JOUISSANCE

Golden Silence

2012-01-30T06:22:00.000-08:00

Admittedly I am a big talker. I love to talk and I like conversations. I am also a very sociable person. It is a no brainer why I end up doing what I do now. But as I have grown older, I have learned the value of silence and solitude. I also realized that I like being able to travel and go places alone.

Silence is a very effective means communication in itself. I am still trying to discipline myself and adapt the old adage, "If you cannot say anything nice, do not say anything at all." I have caught myself once to often almost or about to say something nasty or hurtful to some people. I knew there is no taking back those words once you have uttered them.

I thank the wisdom that comes with age and the restrain that comes from practice because I have learned to control my vicious mouth. I hope I will only get better at keeping my mouth shut more often. I could still recall so many "foot in the mouth" moments I prefer to forget or erase from my memory bank. I try to avoid them now more than ever. So from now on, I am favoring silence above other forms of communication.

0~o~0

Happy New Year not-so-avid readers. I am predicting that 2012 will be a slow year for this blog. I do not thing I will be able replicate and I will not try to outdo my record last year for the number of blogposts I was able to post.

Keeping with the tradition though, I have somewhat of a guideline this year. No resolutions still because I was able to lose weight without the pressure of a new year's resolution. I have come across something funny this morning and it made my day. "Every man thinks that every woman's dream is to find the perfect guy. Truth is every woman's dream is to be able to eat as much as she wants and not gain weight."

I will not chronicle my weight loss plan. PUH-LEASE! I am not taking diet to heart nor do I plan to exercise until I damage my ligaments. 2012 is a preparation year for 2013. So, bear with me dear readers if I am unable to post as diligently as I have last year.

I am dedicating this year to Dyanne. This is all about me and fostering my already bloated ego. So, do not expect any blogs about men, lovelife and the depressing things that come with talking about them. Instead I will try to update you and what I will be doing this year. I want to share my work with you. After all, my work is my life. The answer to my existential questions lies in the work that I do and the things I get from doing my job well. Naive as I may sound still after being in politics for more than year now, it is this naivety and hopefulness that sets me apart.

So, I may complain. I may whine. But the bottom line is still the same and it has not changed. I am here to serve and I am here not for myself but for others. So, with this, I plan to keep my bitching and whining to a bare minimum. It is about looking at the glass half full and not half-empty after all. Have a hopeful 2012 y'all!

Xmas time

2011-12-26T05:55:00.000-08:00

I have been cooped up in the house the whole day because of doctor's order. I am forced to rest because I have been "stressed-out". I thought I was suffering from high blood pressure but to my delight and great relief I am in perfect health well at least I do not have hypertension.

It is ironic that I should be suffering from dizziness spells when I have never felt healthier since I lost 6 kilos in the past month. I am hyper-active and I am always doing something as my younger sister Johanne observed. I have never fainted in my whole life and I am not about to start now. I was alarmed because for the past three days since Christmas I would be dizzy if I stand up too quickly which is natural for me because I always do things quickly even eating which is unfortunate.

This year I tried not to over-indulge in the usual fat-laden and rich Christmas feast. I only had grilled salmon and vegetables with pasta in olive oil Christmas eve dinner or noche buena. While my sibling wolfed down on thick, juicy aged-australian rib eyes and tenderloins with mashed potatoes. I think I should reconsider eating oysters and prawn cocktails even in small portions. I had two small bites of pecan pie but I think I outdid myself with the whole slice of tiramisu.

I planned this Christmas to be hassle-free for my family. So instead of cooking up a storm with my sister Jo in the kitchen, I told my mother that we will be making dinner reservations at Claude's in Davao and spend Christmas in rest and leisure. Christmas morning was different because Jo and I could not help ourselves so we cooked. We served baked ham, cheese mushroom omeletes, and our chicken macaroni soup, peanut and jelly sandwiches for the rest of the family. My family spent the whole day having tv marathon of Vampire Diaries and Supernatural and went on to watch some cheesy Filipino horror flick.

I am somewhat disconcerted because this is the first time that we broke our usual or traditional way of spending our holiday. We are all grown up. So, I see why we should still spend our christmas built around the idea of having Christmas trees, gifts and feasts. The way I see it, doing the same thing year after year is getting tedious and boring. So next Christmas, we have planned out a destination Christmas where we do not have to take on the hassle of christmas shopping and cooking. Hurrah for changes! Sometime next year, I plan to be either bundled in a winter coat or in a cool beach clothes drinking lots of alcohol. No matter where I will spend it, I plan to enjoy a more grown-up Christmas this time next year.

My Letter to Santa v. 2011

2011-12-13T02:23:00.000-08:00

Dear Santa,

Three years ago I sent you a memo regarding some Christmas wishes (click this link/post for your reference). I would like to remind you that in case you will decide again to turn me down this year that I still have absolute (well to be honest, let's use the adjective "relative" instead) faith in you.

The past two years have been relatively good...Who am I kidding? 2010 and 2011 have been fabulous. Thank your Boss for me and so you won't feel neglected, I thank you too somehow. Anyway, I am writing this letter because I figured you did not like the memo I posted.

So St. Nick, I would like to ask that you improve my financial situation before the year ends. I would like very much to purchase for myself the items I have listed below:

1) 1 year subscription of Cignal TV

2) 1 unit of Ipad

3) 1 unit of Iphone 4s

4) a pair of D&G sunglasses or a Kenneth Cole aviator sunglasses (or both if I can still afford them)

I have already secured the fifth item on my wishlist so thank you all the same. By the way, I am all about material things here Santa. I do not wish for the abstract such as hope, peace or love this Christmas because I am all about the hype of consumerism this Holiday Season. I know I have been pretty good this year so I do not think I deserve to receive a literal or figurative charcoal on my xmas stockings. I wish you luck as you try to fulfil the insatiable greed of people like me- kids and adult alike.

Yours truly,

Dyanne

Ha ha ha means...

2011-12-10T20:36:00.000-08:00

If la la la means I love you, then ha ha ha means... What? It means I am laughing my ass off. I received a strange message today from a friend something along the lines- I will find someone someday etc, etc. To which I wittingly replied along the lines of- "I am not built for relationship because I am vain and selfish".

This is not PR campaign crap here not-so-avid readers. I can honestly declare that I am vain as I am selfish. If some idiot were to be so unfortunate to be in a relationship with me, he will come to realize the fundamental truth- I am the Emperor, I am the President and I am the King. So I had to blog about this before I lose my momentum.

I have exhausted my selflessness and my humility to my career. My friends will tell you that I am a thoughtless bitch who cares very little about what they think of me. I love my friends and this is the only way I attempt to be someone decent. My real friends can tell you horror stories upon horror stories of my temperament and my being weird. Good thing, I am very witty and funny and I show genuine care for them in times they need me. Otherwise, I would be without friends.

When I was talking about me perceived future life and death while having lunch, I made my strangely devoted assistant cry. I was stunned because while I know I will die with the least number of regrets than most people, I realized how I have become valuable to many people despite my personality flaws. Lately, I have come to know that I have won over a number of unexpected people who all commonly believe in what I can do and achieve for our small town. I think what I do matters more in the area of career than in my personal life. I mean social life or personal life is something that is mundane and once in awhile can be injected with some amount of interest but it need not progress and develop into something that anyone should focus on really.

I have my doubt on the wisdom of what my friend told me but I guess he is somehow right. Could it be there is hope for this sarcastic, vile-tempered, selfish and overly vain bitch? Hmmm...we'll see when the time comes then will we? Ha ha ha means I was laughing but Ha...ha...ha means I am faltering. Could it be the joke is on me after all? I will be really pissed off because I do not like taking back my words or the strongly-held belief I have nurtured all these years. I do not like the idea of having the song Ironic of Alanis humming in my head while I take it all back.

UNLUCKY

2011-12-09T01:53:00.000-08:00

I just booted out of our group's regular poker night after five hours of playing. I have exhausted all my buy-in privileges therefore I am officially placed last in tonight's game. My uncle-cousin-COS/campaign Bobong commented a wise-ass crack about me being so unlucky not only in cards but in love. The superstition says that if a person is lucky with cards he or she is supposed to be lucky in love. In may case, I hit the trifecta, I am all out of luck when it comes to card games, love and money.

To which I wittingly replied, " I do not care as long as I am not unlucky in my career." I do not think Lady Luck really likes me anyway. I do not care much her either. I have always relied on good old hardwork and maybe faith when it comes to my endeavours. When it comes to career or work, I had to work hard all the time to get what I want. In other matters where luck is a necessity, I have proven unsuccessful.

Don't get me wrong, I have always exerted effort when it comes to those aspects of my life where I am often jinxed. The bottomline here is that I have learned to accept things graciously. I may use biting sarcasm as a defense mechanism but I always admit to failures when they come my way.

When it comes to love, I have in more than one occasion tried lowering my standards believe me. I am not picky as a matter of fact, I am pretty flexible... Who am I kidding? I cannot abide by idiots and chicken shits. Adjusting my IQ is a feat in itself but these idiots are too dumb to appreciate it.

Let me tell you how I sunk low when it comes to my quest for Mr. Alright. I once dated a guy who loved to talk about himself. He was short and an Engineering drop-out whose arrogance was both amusing and unbearable. I also had a short fling with a baseball player who was too ugly for my taste, I almost cried with the thought of the possible face and fate of the progeny we will have. Good thing, I have the good sense to have my telephone line cut off. I even fancied liking a a guy who was too "baduy" for my taste. After three dates, I was already pushing him to another woman's arms. I am not naive or inexperience when it comes to men although I am a proud holder of the Virgin's Anonymous Card. I had a relationship with a guy who wants to spend all our time together making out in the hopes to getting laid. Dear God, as if physical intimacy is the end all be all of relationships.

Recently, I even convinced myself that I fancy a stuttering idiot with a lisp just to see for myself if there is something wrong with me. I have made extra effort not to cut off that moron even though I find my brain falling asleep while talking to him. I am unlucky because I was given the normalcy of being of a heterosexual. Like I said before, and I will say it again, Gay people have way more fun.

So, I therefore conclude that I am not at fault at all. It is not my job to cuddle insecurity, vanity and idiocy. I also conclude that I am not unlucky at all. I am not good at cards because I am impatient and I take too many risks. I am not good with money because I am a spender. I am not in a relationship because I am not built for the tedious, mundane and theatherics of another person. It is all so predictable really... it all starts good with the rose-colored, warm, fuzzy or butterfly in the stomach, can't eat, can't sleep kinda feelings. Then after that romantic phase it is all downhill from there. So, Hallmark, Disney and Hollywood can shove up false advertising and marketing of "love" up their asses. And Cupid can kiss my big round ass! I may be unlucky but this does not mean I am not happy with my life.

Rationalité et Amitiés

2011-12-07T02:33:00.000-08:00

I may seem naive but one thing I have learned the hard way is that I have to learn how to read people. In my profile I described myself as someone aspiring for Machiavellian intelligence. I know from experience that I can draw people in but I never forget that some people has their way of drawing me to them too. Rationality has yet again proven me right.

When I came into this world of politics, I have already accepted the fact that I will be up against schemes and machinations. It is just amusing sometimes that people tend to forget this about me. I listen and I listen well. When a person tells me something, I listen not only to the words but how he or she says it. While, I do need extra instructions when it comes to dealing with my own emotions, I am well versed to people's emotions. Empathy is a gift as it is a curse. Like, a battering ram that continuously challenges the integrity of my carefully built wall of rationality.

Playing dumb or naive is not easy. It takes a lot of practice. I get carried away sometimes but as soon as I stop and take myself away or distance myself from the situation, I see things differently then.

Recent things have been unfolding before my eyes and I have learned to go with the flow. I have discovered a lot really.

Lesson 1: I have so many things I need learn when it comes to leadership.

Lesson 2: I have to learn how to read things and people more quickly.

Lesson 3: I am too gutsy for my own good. I am a risk-taker and I do not get scared easily. So, I think I need to learn more prudence.

Lesson 4: I should learn to curb my enthusiasm.

Lesson 5: I am losing my sense of humor lately. I need to find something I can laugh about.

J'ai raison. Sont je non? (I am right am I not?)

~0~0~

Last monday, I gave a message during our LGU's monthly convocation about seeing or appreciating Christmas like we have when we were kids. I started off with a greeting or shout-out for those whom we call, "malalamig ang pasko". Right now, I miss the pre-Christmas buzz of Metro Manila. As I close my eyes, I would try to remember the late afternoons and early evenings I would spend in a cafe just outside Shangri-la Mall while I wait for my shopping buddy/stylist Cheryl. I miss the gaiety of dressed up shop windows and the smell of new clothes. I miss having sunday lunches, afternoon coffees, and weekend dinners with all my friends. Alas, I miss my old life in the City. Still, I am finding the coolness of rural air, the solitude and simple luxuries I afford myself pretty charming too.

~0~0~

I think the reason I have yet to acclimate myself with my life here is that I have yet to find the quantity of friends I used to enjoy while living in the City. I am wary of making friends while people are suspicious of the friendship I extend to them. They say it is not the quantity that counts but the quality when it comes to friends. I say you cannot judge the quality of your friends unless you have reached the critical mass which you can use for comparison.

So far, I am opening up myself to get to know more people and befriend them. It is not about substitution but rather making new friends is always a learning experience. I guess my reputation always precedes me when it comes to meeting people in my new hometown. Most people do not realize that the name Tintin is but a product of my political machinery. I am not my public persona. I carefully select the people I let in my circle because people should understand that I can trust them enough to know who I am in private.

I remember what my friend Fritz always says when we are together, "If your voters only know how crazy kalog you are..they might get the shock of their lives". This is the reason why it is important to have your real friends because you can be who you really are when you are with them. Facades and imaging are essentially part of everyone's life not because for purposes of deception or misdirection but rather for compartmentalization and maybe reservation of self and even one's sanity. N'est pas? There is no use of disagreeing with me parce j'ai toujours raison. Occupez-vous-en!

Joyeux Noël à vous tous! Merry xmas y'all!

Believe and Learn

2011-12-06T10:12:00.000-08:00

I had a pretty busy morning for someone who did not get enough sleep. I had to three sets of visitors asking for help or assistance before I even had my coffee and breakfast. While I was having breakfast, a man and his daughter came to seek assistance because they got stranded in Tulunan on their way home because they did not have money to pay for their fare. After breakfast while polishing off my coffee, another "client" arrived. This is a typical morning for someone in public service I guess.

I am not complaining really. I do not have salvific complex but this is my job to help people. It is part of my lifelong education to get to know people as I interact with them. So, my last visitor this morning after we have talked and settled his problem, we got to talk more about the plight of his people and the situation in their area. All in all, it was an interesting morning. I also picked up something I just need to share in this blogpost.

Bapa Norping before he left, gave a quote from the Quran- "Believe and Learn". This made me smile because these two words pretty much sum up my own action verbs in life. It is my belief that we are here to learn as much as we can about anything and everything but most importantly about each other. I am not a religious person but I can say I have a strong faith-questioning faith it maybe, it is my faith.

This morning was actually the saga of the interesting night I had just hours ago. It is very inspiring to know people who see things the way I see them. While I seldom indulge in drinking sessions, my drinking buddies last night were pretty interesting people whom I consider my new found friends in my new hometown. The six hours marathon of tipsy, lively yet very witty discussions made me realize how much I have missed in the past three years when I partially sworn off alcohol and heavy drinking. I am not saying that dear-not-so-avid readers that I will be hosting regular drinking sessions from now on but I will not be as prude or priggish to alcohol as I was in the last three years.

~0~0~0~

Call it review class but I have come across some pretty good insights last night. It was way more fun than moonlighting as a thesis/research paper writer. Though, I cannot discount that one of my reasons for taking writing jobs aside from money is that I get to use my neurons a lot more and comprehensively learn about other topics or issues.

I was taken aback at the realization that I am not as open-minded as I should be about certain things. Yet, one of the perks of knowing oneself is that one can defend or at the very least justify one's own biases. I have always believed "we are where we are meant to be". A statement to which a newly-found friend, used as to prove his point in the discussion by simply adding- or who we are meant to be. Something along those lines. I was thoroughly amused by the assessment that I need extra instructions when it comes to emotions.

Admittedly, I am a result or let say a living testament-- to the law of atrophy. I am somewhat proud of the fact that I have developed rationality too much, I forgot to develop my emotional quotient. I do not care to argue but experience has taught me all too well that emotions are easily suppressed and crushed. No matter how painful we feel, it all goes away. Emotions are fleeting and they vary all the time, thus very unreliable. Rationality while boring and predictable, is the source of one's equilibrium in life.

I always quote my former boss'. "you learn something new everyday." I am not contradicting the principle of jouissance here. It is not about fear or insecurity nor is it about being cynical. I just happen to relish the fact that I am who I am. I am someone who finds it very difficult to heartily cry. I am not unfeeling. I let myself feel frustration, hate, anger, irritation, amusement and all other emotions including liking or loving someone. Feeling the emotion and acting on those feelings are totally different species. I admit to the fact that I am just wired this way. Faith is not an emotion by the way. It is still a cognitive ability even though often times it lacks rhyme or reason just like instincts.

Let's just say, I have made decisions others might consider ill-advised. That is their opinion. So far, I have yet to regret a decision I have made because at the end of the day it is not always about being right. It has always been about staying true to yourself, believing that things will work out and if they do not, learning from those decisions.

Living it up

2011-11-08T22:38:00.000-08:00

If someone ask me right now, "how's life?" I can sum it in one word, "AWESOME." I live for crisis, problems, issues and making a difference, one day at a time. I love my life with all the crap, disappointments, frustration and and constant anxiety. If I learned anything in the past two days, it's that I can do this until the day I die. I am profoundly grateful and I feel humbly blessed by what the Divine has given me so far.

I try to impart this most important lesson I have learned so far- "Do what you love, everything else will fall into place." I was amused when I saw the movie "Post Grad" this morning though. One line struck me and made me smile, "What you do in life is one half the equation, who you are with is the other half of the equation".

Some people find that answering our existential question is one of the most difficult thing in they have to figure out in this life. My own existential answers came to me after I went through a lot of trials. I was tested by fire early on in life. I am proud of that. My personal struggles is only known to me and very few people see past the smiling and funny facade.

I know I have come so far and I am excited about whatever else Life has in store for me. It is the other half of the equation that strike me dumb and leaving me with one brow raised. Really? I think the whole love life thing is a phase or an itch that needs to be scratched.

With this advertising crap about having someone in your life is disconcerting because it leaves someone like me riding high in my life, grunting the....

"AUEEEH???!!!!!" like the Tim the Toolman in my old favorite tv show Home Improvement.As you can you see this caveman grunt is very articulate can be used by a modern bitch like me to sound off my own confusion...

In Vain

2011-10-26T02:15:00.000-07:00

This could very well be my shortest blogpost yet.

I am having trouble sleeping right now. It's almost two o'clock in the morning and I have yet to feel sleepy. I am too incensed to feel tired. I am pissed as hell. I am raging against the onslaughts against me are undeserved.

I can just scream but I cannot so here I am bitching and whining about it in my blog. Whatever I do it seems all in vain. I have an answer to the question I posed in my previous blog. Is it me or is it me? It is I who is at fault because I stubbornly refuse to believe that some people are malicious and evil. I need to learn to look at the glass as half-empty and not half-full...

It just occurred to me that no matter what I do sometimes I just cannot win. If I try to help, I lose. I do not try to help, I still lose. There is no pleasing people. It is even harder to please those who are related to you by blood. I was naive to think that I was doing good when I tried to help despite the warnings my father gave me. So, in the end, I am now portrayed as the one orchestrating everything. I am the one responsible for their plight because of my so-called "VESTED INTEREST". In just two weeks, I have been accused of many things. I have been left to hang dry. I have been snubbed. I have been a passive recipient of cold shoulders, accusing stares and neglect. Come on! How much more does these people think I can take before I start retaliating?

I refuse to be the freaking scapegoat for other people's misery, insecurity, greed and even their stupidity. I am putting an end to this. I better start seeing some grovelling the very least apologies because messing with me have consequences. These consequences need not be instituted by me directly or personally. Experience have taught me that karma is all too real to be ignored. This is not a warning, it is a merely a matter-of-fact statement.

Coulda, Woulda and Shoulda

2011-10-23T02:10:00.000-07:00

Is it me or is it me? I think I have a post-it sized label stuck to me head that reads, "SUCKER" or perhaps, "DOORMAT". I think I should ease up on these strongly-held restrains of my bitchiness once in awhile. However, I know I stop people on their tracks without much effort so I do not need to be assertive about these things. I am not one to fluff my feathers or sharpen my horns to show dominance because I think therefore I am (aka Cognito ergo Sum alluding to my own sense of worth). I render even "pretty" girls and "pretty" boys insecure or intimidated without even trying..really? D@mn I'm good...

I have learned not to take things personally nowadays. I think I have immensely matured since the past three months. If I were as petulant as I was years ago, what happened to me last week would have merited a walk-out or at the very least a dramatic stage exit. But I guess I have outgrown melodrama and hysteria (not that I am one for hysterics, mind you).

When I turned 26, I have decided on a new mission and vision for my life. I want to live a life with the least amount of regrets as possible. I want to have a short but very full life. Should I be so lucky to reach old age, I want to reminisce on how I lived well and not to be stuck on "what could have beens or what might have beens".

I have once written an essay on regrets when I was in highschool and I still remember the first line- "Regrets leave empty spaces in one's lives." As far as I can tell, I have yet to regret anything I have done. I am unapologetic of how I live my life because it is how I chose it to be. The few bumps and scratches were all part of the growing up process I know that much now.

This is the reason why I sneer at melodrama and regard people with contempt when I witness drama scenes unfolding in real life . I understand very well that people can be self-absorbed with all the drama and "tragedies" of their life. It is quite natural. For someone like me who uses tragedy as a comedic punchline or a funny anecdote for blogs or my friends, I find these people laughable.

I am laugh at those who have issues against me when clearly I do not know nor do I really care what is going on in their little petty minds. I laugh at those whom I render bumbling like idiots or whom I render stupid really. I laugh at people who regard me as someone who is out to get them, upstage them or outwit them. If you cannot deal with it then there is nothing I can do for you to make you feel better or make you understand. I was born a superstar until I burnout and die. I am destined for something great because I was made and tested that way. When they were living their superficial happy lives, I was already being prepared by destiny for what I am to become.

The joke is on people who think I give a damn about what they think of me... If I were hit by lightning, get shot, have a cardiac arrest or slip and hit my head or just stopped breathing- whatever way possible I should die today or tomorrow, I know I have no regrets in my life. I have always made the best decisions for my life and even if they did not go my way, they were always my decision.

Like I said time and time again, "My life is a comedy of errors." I understand now really that I was given the most precious gift to live this life-SENSE OF HUMOR. It is a pity really knowing I am a superior athlete, shot and martial artist because I cannot pick on those inferior to me. So let the mind games begin! LET'S DANCE!

RELATIONSHIP STATUS

2011-10-14T22:03:00.000-07:00

I had a kick at laughing at myself when I opened my Facebook account this afternoon. I was thoroughly amused to see that my mother posted this picture on my wall.

You can imagine how hard I laugh because it struck a cord and I have to admit it is quite true! It was so funny I knew right away I had to blog about it. I know Mama means well when she posted this pic on my FB wall. So I could not make myself take any offense at all. I am just so disappointed I did not come up with it first.

I am far from being a prayerful person nowadays. I know I could some more prayers in my life. Prayers are not always about asking God for something. It is an intimate conversation to one's Creator. I have often given advice to many of my single lady friends that they should pray for lovelife as what was counselled to me by my very wise aunt Marilyn a long long time ago. I have had two "spinster" aunts who ended up happily married because they entrusted their love lives to God. Tita Marilyn said that if we are able to pray for important decisions and things in our lives, why should praying for a lovelife any different. You should pray for discernment and help on having someone who will share your life. So, I try to share the wisdom to my less lucky but relationship worthy single girlfriends.

However, I am still adamant about this prayer thing. I talk the talk but I do not walk the walk. I do not really pray for my lovelife. I have too many things I pray for and I do not think my love life merits that much attention to pray for any way. In a grand scheme of things, I do not think it matters much if I do end up with someone and procreate. I think I better stick with my plan of having a kid before I turn 35. I know I will be a good mother, but I cannot guarantee anything else. I have yet to believe that I will end up with someone for good. Somehow, at the back of my mind, I know I am not cut out to be someone's wife or girlfriend.

Please hold the comments and the sympathy party, I am simply saying, I have yet to enjoy fully my independence to give it up so soon. Had I not been born with breasts and a vajajay, I would be considered an elusive bachelor. But since I am a woman, I am called a spinster.

I think I have uttered just a small prayer once years ago where I said, "Lord, Suprise me!" I am not quite sure if I live to regret that prayer. Then again, it could be just one of the many prayers where I got a NO. hehehe. I have always believed that God answers prayers. It is not always what you want or like but you will always get an answer.

So, here is follow-up prayer on lovelife and relationship status I uttered years ago with few additions.

Dear Lord, I still stand by my original supplication. Surprise me! I do pray for all my single lady friends who will make wonderful girlfriends and wives and mothers. Lord, please answer their prayers. Give them discernment and courage to determine and the signs to recognize the One, You have reserved for them. Please transform their disillusion into hope. Give them patience so as they do not get distracted and be lead to more heartbreaks because of impatience. Lord, please keep my own prayer for my love life on file to be reviewed at a later date. AMEN.

Is it me or did I just dare God to surprise me despite my strongly held cynicism? Whatever it is that you think, know that I am sincere in my prayer about other single ladies I consider my friends. I know in my heart that they deserve to have someone special in their lives. Yes, Tanya, Fritz and Cai. I am referring to you in case, it escaped your attention. I know you ladies can relate to the image I posted at the beginning of this blog.

Just to make your day not-so-avid readers click on the player to here this sound clip from a movie.

I'm not shooting for a "successful" relationship at this point, I'm just looking for something that will prevent me from throwing myself in front of a bus. I'm keeping my expectations very very low. -Lucille of the Movie, "Bye Bye Love"

Toys and Children's Stories

2011-09-30T03:40:00.000-07:00

As jaded or hardened as I claim myself to be, I am a sucker for GP movies with sad ending. I finally figured how to make myself cry. I just go watch GP movies and I can shed some of those carefully repressed tears. The last movie that made me cry was the third and regrettably the last instalment of Toy Story. Before Toy Story 3, I felt loony crying over a pre-teen movie, The Bridge to Terabithia. There is nothing more sad than a child losing a loved one. I think instead of fairy tales, children should be more exposed to movies and stories like Bambi, My Girl and ET.

But the Toy Story 3 reminded me so much of a cartoon movie I repeatedly watch as a child, "The Brave Little Toaster." These movies taught me the importance of valuing my toys and other stuff I own. Somehow growing up, I always believed these inanimate objects are alive.As much as I hate to admit it, I am unfortunately still a child at heart.

I am not one to discard toys even as a child. If I get bored at a toy, I put it aside and apologized and will promise to play with it the next day. I even rotate my pillows because I did not want that one pillow will be burdened by the weight of my head every night. I have come a long way from believing that toys and appliances are animate creatures. I have grown more careless of things I own over the years. I am trying to adjust my attitude of late because I have found myself being a little bit more desensitized everyday. I am so numb these days, I do not even the sense of time or date. I was surprised to realize that it will be October very soon. I have yet to reclaim my excitement for the Holiday season...

Being jaded, sophisticated even being insensitive are the complete contrast to Jouissance-- of being able to savor life no matter how salty, sweet, bland, spicy or bitter it maybe.

I think ten year old version of me if she can travel in time like the movie, "KID" will be somewhat disappointed in me. But like what the character Diedre said, I will tell the ten year old me that everything will work out just fine. While, I have put away childish things, I have never stopped and I do no think I will stop believing that things always work out in the end like in the movies and children's stories. Happy endings are totally different from resolutions. Happily Ever Afters can only exist in single dimensions of fairy tales and have no place in the dynamics of everyday living.

Thus, to reclaim a part of my childhood and the child-like wonder, I am spending more time, reflecting and by God, meditating. I suck at meditating since the time my father taught me how to meditate way back in 5th grade. I did not have the mental patience and discipline then, I am not very hopeful if I have gained some over the years. But tomorrow is another day although for the love of me, I do not know what date or day tomorrow is unless I look at my calendar...

Lucky Me

2011-09-29T18:08:00.000-07:00

I woke up greatly amused when I discovered that my staff were camping at my gate since 4:30 in the morning already having coffee and waiting for me to wake up and let them in:) I was not expecting them to take me seriously when I texted one of them that I will leave at 5 am even though I had every intention to do just that. I have been sick for three days now. I did not know that my political alter-ego Bong has something he needed to get from my home office. He came by the house at four in the morning hoping to catch me before I leave for Davao City.

This is the disadvantage of a semi-soundproof room. I could not hear people calling out even thought my room is near the gate. When Bong saw that my car is still parked he realized that my driver/EA, Erwin is still in his house. So Bong, woke up Erwin from his deep sleep telling him to go with him and report to my house. Lo and behold, they could not get in because I forgot to give Erwin his set of keys. So there they are waiting for me at half past four in the morning..

I am so blessed to have such loyal and dedicated men working for me. Thank you guys, I cannot remember a more hilarious morning listening to your antics while waiting for me to wake up from my hibernation.

Come to think of it, all my whining about not having a man in my life seem ridiculous now. I have different men that provides me with everything I would want in different aspects of my life. I have a gay guy who cleans my house and does my laundry. I have Erwin who is not only my driver but who is my faithful and very competent EA. I have Bong who manages my political career and functions as my sounding board and filter for whatever problems that my constituents may seek my help. I have my bestfriend Don Q and Jr whom I can talk to on just about anything under the sun. I can always count on these guys to help me in whatever way they can. I have my other guy friends like Budlat and Mando who are at my beck and call. All these guys understand the crucial thing about me- my bark is worse than my bite. I am easily subdued by fits of laughter.

I did not realize it then but I am blessed with such wonderful guys in my life. I doubt one single guy can live up to the hype and the pressures that come with having a domineering bitch like me as their girlfriend...I am not kidding. I have long abandon the quest of finding my Mr. Right because like the Easter bunny and the tooth fairy, He is nothing but an imaginary creature. There are many good men out there I know that for a fact. But I have yet to find someone who can take me on...tsk tsk tsk... Wait! Who am I kidding? I have my own Mcdreamy Chubby Chaser who already rocked my world, Gary --- very intelligent, witty, sexy and head over heels for me..SIGH!

I want to thank God for all the people around me who make my life easy eventhough most of the time I take them for granted. I want to thank God for giving me fervently dedicated and loyal people who work hard to help me in my work and my life. I sometimes take it in stride but I am very fortunate to have these people who have the greatest sense of humor and patience. I am sometimes too self-absorbed to notice the laughter that comes so easily when I am with them. They are my friends, my second family-Bobong, Erwin, Krista,Archie and the new addition to these merry people Lablab. I am able to enjoy my solitude and my "ME" time because I know I have them.

LUCKY ME!

Sandman Stories

2011-09-26T04:47:00.000-07:00

In college, I was dubbed narcoleptic by my college buddies. I would fall asleep in just about any place in any position at any given time. I also began to believe that I really was suffering from mild narcolepsy then because I could fall asleep standing up. But truth be told, I was just ravenous for sleep. I enjoy my sleep. I did not take classes after lunch because as my friend and Philosophy 104 classmate, Cai can testify, I almost always fall asleep during class.

During my afternoon college classes, I have learned to write down notes while half-asleep. At first they were illegible then later I was able to develop a system of understanding my own writing while in slumber. You might be thinking that this is all BS, I know it to be true. My love for sleep and my relationship with Sandman has evolved overtime. Sleeping is both an art and a science. If you think I am talking crazy, then it only means you have yet to discover the wonder and power of Morpheus.

So far, my greatest feat in my sleeping ability is a skill that I learned after college when I was already working. I have learned how to take a nap during a meeting and absorb the conversations around me. When I wake up, I could easily jump back in the discussions in a snap without missing a beat.

I have discovered the wonderful secret of being able to sleep and absorb as I listen to the sounds around me. If you are someone who knows how to meditate then you know what I am talking about. It is a matter of using your subconscious really. It takes time to practice the skill of translating the sounds you hear into dreams while sleeping, it means you are able to absorb all the stimuli around you particularly sounds. It is falling asleep but not really falling into a deep sleep like you would at night. Even my mother was not believer until we went to have our feet massaged last night. She thought I slept through the whole thing but I told her I was not really asleep. I was half-asleep because I wanted to know for myself if the masseuses were really doing their job. I was harboring a suspicion since we always end up falling asleep that the masseuses were cutting corners as they do their thing. So I decided to solve the mystery using my ability. I can say it was one good foot massage because I was able to relish every bit of it. I was half-asleep so I was able to wake-up refreshed too.

Lately, I am pleasantly surprised at how I am able to dream in colors. Before this year, I never dream in colors. But to my count I have had four technicolor dream to date. I have narrated my first technicolor dream to my friend Tanya. I told her the dream was so real I felt pain and I woke up with my leg hurt just like in my dream. I am in awe at how a powerful our brain is. I have always been psycho-somatic but I never thought I my subconscious have the ability to stimulate nerve endings even though we are asleep.

Just this morning as I fell asleep in front of my computer, I began to dream. It was a dream I never soon would not forget. I was in the session hall with my fellow SB members when this old lady who was trying to sell us travel cards began to break out in a song. I was puzzled why everyone in my dream were conversing but they were singing songs of ADELE. I said to myself, I can clearly understand what they were trying to express but it does not make sense why they are singing heartbreaking songs of Adele. This was suppose to be my first ever Musical dream but it is not going well like Mamma Mia.

I was so irritated because the old lady had to cut all the singing because her Blackberry was ringing her ringtone as also an Adele song. I thought grudgingly that this lady is ruining the Adele songs. I had to laugh when I finally got startled into waking up by my aunt. I realized that I had my media-player was playing Adele songs. I also realized I dreamt about the lady because just before I dozed off I read a text message from her. I was passing the time playing FB games before I go to a meeting with my colleagues. Thus they were in my dream.

I am just a little disappointed because I could no longer indulge in what I call my sleepfest or hibernation. Before I do not take naps or I do not sleep. Like a bear, I hibernate for hours. The longest sleep I had was 30 hours of continuous sleep. I woke up not knowing what time or day it was. Because of this tendency to hibernate, my bestfriend Bom have one too many times, played tricks on me. In college, she knew that if I did not have class, I was in my room hibernating. So one afternoon, knowing was in sleeping like a log, she repeatedly knocked on my door to wake me up. I was startled by the loud banging of my door and shouts from my bestfriend/. She was yelling, "Gising ka na, umaga na! malelate na tayo sa History!"

I panicked and jumped off the bed and opened the door with only my malong covering me. I was cursing and yelling expletives because I was literally scolding myself for having overslept. I remembered that Bom and I will be taking a History Exam that morning. So I went to opened the door prepared to ask Bom to give me just five minutes so I can get dressed. When Bom saw me with my hair standing, my face disoriented and panic-stricken, she laugh so hard she actually almost fell on the floor.

I knew right then that I have been had and I look over my alarm clock on my desk. I realized it was only 3:35 in the afternoon and I did not oversleep. I wanted to throttle the life out of my bestfriend for pulling that stunt. But I knew was beaten fair and square so I set it aside.

I could only reminisce about my long lost love affair with the Sandman. I wish I can rekindle those times without taking some good ole sleeping pills. I am suffering from chronic anemia and thus I need loads of Iron so I can get a decent sleep at night. I miss spending more time in Dream Land coz in this world, I could always count on that nothing is impossible.

Acquired Taste: The Philosophy of the Durian

2011-09-23T05:54:00.000-07:00

I have been utterly craving to eat Durian for weeks now. As I pass by roads going to Davao from my municipality, I always make a mental note that I would buy at least one to satisfy my cravings. Somehow, when I am about to approach the kiosks that sell durian, I cannot seem to get myself to buy one. I procrastinate saying I can always buy if I really want to.

After a long week of endless meetings, farming (yes my not-so- avid readers, I am now a farmer, well more like an overseeing farmer hehehe), attending fiestas and other activities. I came home a dragging my feet from the heat and exhaustion. Alas! to my great delight, a surprise was waiting for me- a sack full of ripe sweet and milky Durian fruits. Our caretaker in Makilala sent them because he could no longer bear to eat them. Everytime, the fruit falls off a tree, this means the Durian is ripe and ready for eating. I did not even know we have a durian tree!

I am really liking rural living I tell you. It still amazes me that I am able to pick fresh vegetables off my backyard. When I need calamansi for my soy sauce, do I go to the refrigerator like I used to? No I just get some on my very own calamansi tree! I can go to one of my cousins and get myself fresh beautiful bell peppers and cucumbers, if I want to make a salad. I am reviving the disaster I call my spice garden.

Sadly, I am not one with what they call "green thumb". So I asked my new helper who is a champion gardener to grow vegetables for me. Sometimes, I can even coax my uncle into giving me some of his fishes. If I want free-range chicken for free? I go to Lolo Susing and have someone catch one for me. Alas, I also tried my hands on hog raising but I got really upset when it was time to slaughter them. I was fond of those pigs, I even named them B1 and B2. To be honest, I did not grow up in a farm. I only get to visit my lolo's farm during summers and when the road became more accessible every other weekend.

I am an urban girl. I grew up in the modest slums of Cotabato City where I got my scars which I still treat as honor badges of a happy childhood of climbing trees, sneaking out of the house during afternoon siestas, joyriding on jeepneys and motorcycles, roaming the streets and playing rowdy games with friends until evening. So getting used to rural living is like appreciating durian for me. I did not love it first but I grew to like it. It is something of an acquired taste.

Many people usually rejects something right away if they do not like it. I am a self-declared connoisseur of acquired taste. Everything in life the way I see it all about acquiring taste for it. Even tragedy, crisis or situations, one must realize that you can get used to it and deal with it. Sometimes if you are lucky as I am, you learn to embrace them, appreciate them or maybe even laugh at them too!

After weeks of my personal crisis, I have somehow learned to live with the reality that Shit does happen and it happens all the time. I have an acquired taste for tragedy even drama . But I doubt if I will learn to like morons and assholes though. Maybe I can just feign tolerance even civility at best. I have no intentions of going beyond that Sorry...

Let me just share that this is how Durian is for me. It represents something that I did not really like but I was intent on learning to appreciate it. People do not understand my fascination in learning to appreciate even the bitter Durian fruit. Some people just like the sweet ones. Only very few Durian aficionados understand that only without the distraction of sugar or sweetness that you will be able to truly taste the essence of the Durian flavor. Like life, it is not always about the good times or sweet flavour but it is about the bitter times when you are wretchedly miserable. Alas, I have just discussed to you my Durian Philosophy which I came up with just recently. It is not as elaborate as First or Second Reflection of Marcel. Nor does it try to pretend to be just as profound. I am just making a comparison d@mn it... I just want to express the significance of Durian on how I see things.

I am no Marcel or Levinas. But this is my blog and like what my friend Cai said I can write anything I want. If Imelda Marcos can come up with her wacked out Seven Pillars of Moral Regeneration (see pics below to be more enlightened, if you can explain this to me then I will allot a blogpost to discuss what you have explained to me),

I can certainly write about my damn Durian Philosophy if only to provide some insights and maybe some laughs to my readers. Come to think of it why am I even referring to this as the Durian Philosophy, I sound just like wacko Imelda. Oh no!

For first time readers of my blog. Do not take everything I write seriously. This blog is neither appropriate for Kids age 17 and below nor for Adults with the same IQ.

Friends, Wishes and Texting

2011-09-22T01:17:00.000-07:00

I want to share something that I think you my not-so-avid readers will find funny. I recently read an entry in one of my old journals that happened to be a wishlist of what I wanted in a guy. I started with a few generic qualities and before I knew it the list registered 47 items of what I require. It struck me as funny because days ago, I received some prank phone calls and a very stirring text message that said something along the lines of me being a snotty bitch and I will become a spinster. The anonymous texter for the life of me, proposed to marry me!

I showed the text to my mother and we were laughing so hard. I almost peed in my pants. I said to mama, "This guy must be taking drugs or he is messing with me big time!" Still for the past months now, these prank calls and anonymous texters are become nuisances. I do not answer them because it is just too icky to even reply to cheesy and even downright dumb messages.

The way people text or even spell words in their messages speaks a lot about him or her. I am not a very big fan of jejemons. I sincerely dislike people who use style in text run along these lines, "Who you? Dito na me, Wer na you?"

WTF?!!! There is something to be said about age-appropriateness in texting. Text your age damn it not your shoe size!

The worst violation of text etiquette for me is the mid-conversation shut down. What I mean by these is that if you are communicating much like in letter or conversation, one must know how to open and end a conversation. People who let the conversation hang needs to learn some manners.

Just this morning, someone texted me about my giving them money. I asked who the h3ll she/he is? and lectured her on getting manners. As a public official, I am quite accessible far more accessible than most of my contemporaries. Still, this does not mean that people can talk to me like I am their friend when clearly I don't know them. I am not bias towards uneducated people but I have my reservations towards unlearned ones.

~0~0~

I am a bitch. Only my real friends know how bitchy I can be. If I have not bitched you around then consider yourself fortunate because you are just an acquaintance I genially deal with most of the time. I guess I give people the wrong notion that since I am nice all the time that I have an imaginary sign blinking in neon lights that says "I'M NICE BE MEAN TO ME!" in my freaking forehead.

I am nice to you. I am nice to everybody. Therefore you are just like everybody.

I miss being arrogant and haughty like I was in high school. I still remember clearly what my friend Kristine once told me, "We should make people see how lucky they are to have us as their friends." I always feel sad nowadays because I am without my real friends. A trade-off I guess for pursuing my chosen career. Still, I miss old friends who are now in different places in the country or those who live abroad.

I try to make new friends but so far I have found very few. I have managed to have friendly relations with few acquaintances but that's just about it. So far, aside from my three Kings, only one person has captivated my interest with his wit, ideals and affection. My dear Jonathan, a fellow councilor in a neighboring municipality. Whenever I am with Nathan, I am so comfortably happy. We are so comfortable with each other that I can even introduce him as my boyfriend to some of my constituents. I can tell him I miss him without censure or malice. It is just sad that distance is seems to be always the problem when it comes to my friendships.

In a few days, I will celebrate if only in my head, that two years ago I decided to leave Manila and moving back to the province. I cannot seem to take it all in but time does fly fast. It seemed like 2009 was just yesterday. The next thing I'll know I am already 60 and still blogging heaven help me! I should be so lucky to live to be 60. I doubt it though.

I also doubt if the technology of texting will still be around by then. I hope when those days come, I will have developed the power to teleport better yet the technology of teleportation would have been invented. A girl can wish you know. I also wish by then that cigarettes will no longer be bad for your health and eating chocolate and sweet delectable desserts will make you lose weight.

Gifts of Tears, Misfortune, Alcohol and Hope

2011-09-16T02:19:00.000-07:00

I have had six unposted blogs as of my last blog entry. I have been unable to publish these posts for the fear of censure from my dear Cai. Just kidding Carol, it's just that I did not feel like posting them up yet because the posts seem lacking in cohesiveness even direction. I just want to post something here that might amuse my usual-not-so avid readers. I make no guarantees.. but I will try.

This blogger is going through a rough patch right now. I am not at liberty to say it out loud let alone write about it here in my blog. Labelling my personal crisis as a rough patch is like describing the Himalayas as ant hills... So, I will leave it at that.

I just want to share that even in my dark days right now, I am especially glad to have this blog because I am able to write stuff even though I do not publish them. Unless someone can figure out how to hack my account then I am in real trouble. As one grows older, one learns to keep more things to oneself. This is especially difficult for someone who is as outspoken as I am.

This post marks the end of another episode of the series of bad days I have been having for the last two weeks. I have been sleep deprived eversince. So imagine the effort of trying to be friendly and accomodating when you are startled awake to somewhat disconcerting exchange of messages. Some people need to hone their conversation skills as much as their texting skills, I am just saying. If I ask a question, you answer it then end the conversation. I feel stupid waiting for an answer. It could be that I have induced your brain to reboot perhaps? I am seeing a pattern here. Dear God, what was I thinking before when I thought I liked this guy? Say no more...I already know the answer. It was about the Law of Propinquity...

My irritation only got worse when I went to work and encountered an arrogant SOB who thinks he owns the f*cking world. It took all the emotional strength I had not to punch this guy's' smug face. I was itching to give him an upper cut and a roundhouse kick. I am trying to understand that even with his money, this guy cannot buy himself some manners and a decent amount of diplomatic skill. I hate it when people disguise profit into something more cause worthy. Let's just call a spade a spade shall we, you son of a b!tch?!

I went home frustrated because after more than a month of waiting for my reimbursement for my travel expenses, I could not cash the damn checks. I have bills and wages to pay and stuff to buy and I am stuck with two worthless piece of paper. My stupid cellphone keeps going off because of the messages from people soliciting money, calling in favors and instructing me to do things for them.

This is one of those days when I just want to find a rock and hide under it until everything blows over. I wish I can cry easily and shed tears so I can find some kind of relief from this terrible pain in my chest. But no.. I have to keep things together, maintain my smiling poker face while I wait for the inevitable cardiac arrest. Still, my obligations outweigh my own crisis. I cannot afford to have the breakdown I rightly deserve.

I am praying for the gift of tears. I am seeking Divine providence! I envy people who can cry and sob wretchedly...Oh how I wish I have their strength to cry my eyes out. I know for sure I have a healthy set of tear ducts. I just can seem to optimize their use. If I still live in QC, I would have just gone to the Elorde gym in Katipunan and vent everything on a punching bag. Now? I cannot even get my hands on a decent bottle of tequila or vodka.

Note to self: stack up on bottles of alcohol and put them in a cabinet with breakable glass labelled "Break in case of Emergency".

I am not particularly fond of alcohol to be honest. I only drink when the mood hits me which is often rare. I drink with friends only to be accommodating. I never drink alone. I try to associate alcohol with having a good time and to avoid drinking myself to oblivion. I have been successful so far.. But as they say, there is always first time for everything.

So to my dear friends, in case you are wondering what I am talking about...Please let me keep this one to myself. It is something that I have to deal with in my own way. I also implore the Fates to deter morons from crossing my path for the next few days. If I were to inflict physical injury or worse shred someone's ego to pieces in the next few days, I will lay the blame on your doorsteps. I will also do my part of steering clear of idiots and stupid people for the meantime.

P.S

My last blog entry was about the someone special who rocked my world. With grief, I had to set him aside because right now I am at my wit's end just trying to keep my world intact. I should be so lucky to have found someone brilliant, good-looking, patient and understanding. There is a rainbow after the rain as there is someone incredibly perfect after getting your heart beaten by so many clueless nincompoops out there. No song could articulate our situation as the song "I'll be Waiting" by Adele.

"Notre amour peut attendre mais vous sera
toujours dans mon coeur.."

Like I always say being a grown-up is overrated. Peter Pan was one lucky bastard. He did not have to worry about anything except picking fights on stupid pirates and flying around Neverland. If I have to do it all over again. I would not change anything. But it would be nice to have your own Neverland to escape to once in awhile though...

The way we See things

2011-08-30T05:30:00.000-07:00

I have been going through a major crisis if I can call it that really...For some people it can be earth-shattering for some it is as ordinary as thunder preceding lightning during a thunderstorm. Thunderstorms themselves are regular occurrence unless you live somewhere where there is high concentration of collision of warm moist air with cooler air. Still, like everything in life, the cliche that things happen for a reason is often true in my case.

Maybe this is the reason why I don't bother anymore with self-pity. I don't like self-pity because it is a counter-productive emotion. I have long abandon the melodrama of raising my hands in the air and silently questioning the Divine, "why does this have to happen to me?!"

I think this is also the reason that God invented the emotion called numbness... I have fought back tears like I would fight a 6'0" opponent in a judo match. I fight with all the energy I can muster not giving a damn about the consequences. My aunt said my uncanny ability to suppress my emotions are somewhat scary and very unhealthy... I call it self-preservation.

It still boils down on how we see things I believe. The Surreal can be ordinary and the mundane can be fantastic, it is all about perspective.

Rock my world

2011-08-17T06:13:00.001-07:00

Some days have been better than some... I have been caught up with so many things lately I forgot about blogging. As always, I apologize for the long absence. I can tell I have even put off my radio program because I have too many things to do and I feel like I am in a rat race.

Then again maybe I have nothing special to blog about nowadays. or I have too many things I want to write about but I have somehow forgotten how. I am growing old I guess... I am a bit tired of facing crisis and other people's problems when I cannot find the time to even solve mine.

I have signed up for this and I do not need anyone to remind me of this. I have lost some steam as I have been chugging along with all the power that I have people get tired. I get tired. You can even say I look what I feel nowadays lethargic.

I am in an auto-pilot mode lately. If you have not seen Adam Sandler's movie "Click" then you do not know what I mean. I just wish I have the universal remote to turn it off though. I guess everyone has their own way of dealing with things. I am distant about everything these days until things get better for me. I go through the motion but I do not seem to care about the outcome or anything of late. I do not have feelings about anything or anyone at all... This is quite disturbing.

I have not laugh as much as I should. I am losing my precious sense of humor.... It could be that I have not found anything funny to laugh about these past months.

But last night, I have found something I can enthusiastically blog about...Let me share the words that rocked my world, "I am attracted by your intelligence. You are beautiful. You are perfect and I think we are soulmates... let me just give this shout out, "PUTANG INA! ASTIG!" It took a huge dose of strength not to dance the moonwalk- I swear! I do not need false declaration of love these simple honest words will not change my life but they certainly have put things in perspective... What am I saying? I am so giddy right now I am silly stupid... La vien rose;) hahaha

Dear readers, I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I am saving my vacation leave so I can go ride off to the sunset...(giggles). Ladies and gentle dogs, this single lady is leaving the building! If my friends are curious about this bit of information. Please hold your horses. I will update you on the days to come... Goodnight y'all!

Rumor Has It.

2011-07-04T06:21:00.000-07:00

Oftentimes, I find speculations very funny even flattering. Sometimes, I just dismiss them. There are also times when my one of my well-groomed eyebrows raised involuntarily because of what I hear. The price of public service, I gather as much. One thing I realized after one year in office as a town councilor is that I have a thicker skin that I originally thought.

I look back at the past year with fond memories and adequate sense of accomplishment. I can say I can write off some of the tasks in my three year checklist. I have learned so many things this year but the most important lesson I guess is that I need to relax 'coz I cannot do it all. I have yet to learn financial discipline though. I am so eager to prove myself and to please as many people as possible I have stumbled several times over the past year. The bumps in my head and the bruises in my ego are proof that I have yet to unravel the mystery that is politics. One of my leaders jokingly reminded me of what I used to say during the campaign, "Your mother was right after all when she warned you that entering politics is like taking a rock and pounding it on your head."

I was laughing so hard because even then during campaigning and as I tell the story over and over again, I did not really believe it. But I have to admit it with humility that Mama has been right all along when she said this line, "Mas sulod ka sa pulitika? Daw nagkuha ka sang bato kag gipukpok sa ulo mo." Still, I would not trade this for any cozy job out there. This rock I beat over my head is what makes me excited and eager to wake up in the morning. This rock I beat over my head is something I have always wanted to do. I can say after several jobs, this is the first time. I can often say, "GOD! I love my job!"

So, I have finally laid to rest the rumors of my so called political aspirations for a higher office. I have already talked to my key leaders and my team that I am not running for a higher position. I have made my decision and my mind will not be changed for me by any other circumstances. My plans and my priorities have not changed still. I am here to stay as long as people chose me to be. I know this will not last long but I plan to enjoy being in public service as long as I am in it.

FLATTERY

2011-06-22T06:31:00.000-07:00

While I admittedly I am a big woman with a big ego, I am still often taken by surprise by genuine admiration and interest. I think I am making progress in my evolution as someone relationship-worthy hahaha...NAH! I think you attract specific people depending on your own state of mind. It is like along the line of stupid begets stupid.

No doubt in my mind while I am fat, I have a pretty face. But once in awhile, having someone tell you in your face with earnest sincerity that he finds you attractive and fascinating is like an extra dose of helium to your ego balloon. I have a smug smile plastered on my face since yesterday because of the said encounter.

Compliments or flattery never gets old really. This is the reason players can make ladies fall over themselves just like that (SNAP!) A real player knows that it is about subtlety and the right material and timing. Too much material and uttered at a wrong time will earn you a snub, worse a knowing sneer from us ladies. So my kudos to this guy who made my day. You just earned yourself a gold star.

Bad day and bad matches

2011-06-17T16:20:00.000-07:00

Idleness or maybe sleepiness is driving me to write this blog post. I am now in the NAIA Centennial Airport without wifi connection and without air-conditioning. Is this a belt-tightening measure being implemented by the new Management? Hurrah to you! If people faint from lack of ventilation and and oxygen, it will be in your stupid hands! Dear-not-so-avid readers, while I have something interesting to write on this post I have to get this bitching over with before I get to the good part.

Dear MAIA manager,how come you have all your wireless modems turned on but not one is connected to your LAN connection? I am not asking for a free wifi connection. If you want to charge people for it then do it. Do not disguised crappy services or facilities as free services and facilities. I am still sleepy after having a tall order of CBTF Mocha Blend and a grande Starbucks Dark Mocha with additional shot of espresso...why? because it is biology that if there is lack of oxygen, your body adapts and slows down.

I am so pissed right now because it is 3 in the afternoon and the sweltering heat and humid air have sucked all my energy. This is not a good day for me. I have been encountering stop light after stop lights and I have missed my stupid morning flight. Here I am now waiting for my evening flight and I am not sure if I can survive the afternoon without strangling one of your overpaid, underworked personnel who lounges around like the anti-thesis of "civil servants" that they are.

There you are my not-so-avid readers. I am no longer surprised why NAIA has been voted as one for the worst airports in the world. Good luck on the next five years Mr. President!

~0~0~0~

So yesterday I had brunch with my friend, Cookie. She is one of my favorite lunch or brunch buddies because our get togethers are always filled with intellectual stimulation. I never get bored if I am with her. She is often filled with wisdom and information that I find it hard everytime we have to part ways. We tried to catch up with the latest happenings in each other's lives.

I still find it incredible that Cooks is now a loving wife and a doting mother. Domestic bliss becomes of her. Cooks is one of the few superwomen I know who have successfully balanced their careers and family life. I am so happy because she is an exemption to most of my female friends who are still finding their Mr. Right. Cooks found hers even thought she declared a long time ago that she is not looking for him and had no plans of settling down. Her case is an exceptional case of a true lovematch.

So I probed Cookie about this marital bliss and compatibility. She gave me one advise..."Dyanne find someone who is your intellectual match. You are not supposed to settle for someone you know who is not your match."

I felt like I got kicked in the stomach. I have been too occupying my time with senseless infatuations and useless flirtations that I forgot what I want in a relationship. Oopss! how in the world did I sink this low? Damn biological clock! Here, I was thinking something is wrong with me for not compromising when I never have to in the first place. I am scolding myself for thinking, "PWEDE NA TO" when I should be saying to myself, "ETO NA YUN!".

Thanks for that figurative bitch slap Cooks. I needed that more than you know. I have a lot of thinking that I need to do not-so-avid-readers. When you just turned 31, and you are where I am still, frustration can lead to desperation even delusions of settling for someone even chasing after someone who is clearly not in my league. Seriously, I was contemplating on throwing out my hard-won ego out the window for some @##hole who cannot even finish a decent conversation with me without rebooting like an outdated computer.

Thank God I have very smart friends who make see the folly of my ways...

BI POLAR?

2011-05-24T01:25:00.000-07:00

I JUST FINISHED A FIT OF HARD LAUGHING! My dear friend commented that I sounded like I had bipolar personality in my "Happy Clam" post. Cai, I am a little loony like you do not know. So I decided not to click the "PUBLISH POST" button while on the verge of falling asleep. I will save it first then review the post when I am wide awake. But I will not edit the said post because I like it. That was what was going inside my crazy head that night. hehehe

Please before my constituents, political rivals or critics make a deal out of me being crazy, I would like to clarify that I am crazy all of us are:) No one is completely sane in this world. Those who claim to be sane are actually the ones who are not normal. Our brains are wired differently. My grey matter can sometimes get carried away. I have all these thoughts I want to express so I just write them down.... Ooops! I am guilty of having mental diarrhea every now and then when blogging I must admit. So not-so-avid-readers, I ask for your indulgence and some understanding.

I am not bipolar at least I do not think so... I can just be real happy one day about all the things even the small things. I am shallow that way. A text message, a PM from a constituent asking about issues, a plastic bag of root crops, a basket of sineguelas, a pack of bayi-bayi, good night sleep, working hard, a bar of chocolate, a cup of good coffee-all these and more can make my day. I found the secret to happiness I guess, it is everywhere and it does not have last long. It is a matter of finding one thing that can make you happy for a day even just for hours and you are good.

Right now, I am happy because I have been busy and I have my helper Krista back. I am ecstatic because I have been having a hot and delicious breakfast for the last two weeks and I have a clean house and well-groomed, well-fed dog. See what I mean? I guess turning 31 has made me realize that I can be glad even for the smallest of things.

Right now, I am enjoying writing this blog because I have already finished my outline for tomorrow's radio program. I take it to heart that I have a job that I love and plenty of time for both productive and useless pursuits. There is nothing wrong with appreciating what you have in life. If I focus on what I do not have, it will be like simply signing up willingly to join the misery boot camp.

One week from now, I will be in a seminar and after the seminar I will have a weekend that I can spend with old friends I left behind in the City. By the way, I am pleasantly surprised by a piece of information given to me by some little birds. Hmmm...I would like nothing better than to retract my previous post about the mythical existence of nice guys. Still, it is too early to tell. I am still standing behind what I wrote in my recent post. PROVE me wrong I double dare you! hahaha

Myths and legends

2011-05-20T08:55:00.000-07:00

I can honestly say so far, Guys are jerks. Even my guy friends are jerks. Nice guys

are...... mythical creatures. They exists only in the head of self-proclaimed nice guys and gullible women. The good thing about having MEN as friends is that they can be honest about being JERKS. If you are not friends with them, you will probably buy into the whole sales pitch. You know, the tagline as creative but just as overused as the tagline "Got Millk?"- theirs is the "nice guys finish LAST."

MEN are jerks and women are bitches. Yes, it think it is about time that we get that all out in the open. Women are bitches in varying degrees and ways of course. Some will cut your balls literally and figuratively( I fall under this category). Others will kill you while you sleep (I'm still determining whether I have homicidal tendencies). Some just sugar-coat their bitchiness with a dollop of niceness, dash of affection and a pinch of sweetness (I am nice but I am not sweet). I am a bitch that much I will admit. I will never forget what my bestfriend Don Q, once said to me, "I just saw the movie, 'The Devil Wears Prada', and the Meredith character reminded me so much of you."

That statement made my year! I was both amused and thoroughly irritated as well. But hey, it was his opinion and I respect that. I do not think I am that bitchy but hey I still took it as compliment. However, nowadays, must admit I am forced to rein in the bitchiness because I am in the business of being nice. To those who know me well whether they are my friends, siblings or those under my employ can tell you I am an adorable bitch!

This is reality people. I can say that good-looking men are better at being jerks than ugly ones. This is about overcompensation. Men compensate for that which they lack. Unattractive men are worse jerks because of their inadequacies and insecurities will bare their teeth one time or another. Alpha male in the bunch? Are you kidding me? Even the sidekick of the sidekick of the sidekick in the bunch is @55hole in his own right. These so-called "nice guys" are tempered jerks in "NICE" package.

I will reiterate what I said in my last post. "I must admit I am very gullible. I always take peoples word to heart and believe it to be true. So naturally, once upon a time, just like many hapless females, I too bought into the whole nice guy myth. But as it turned out, I was thoroughly educated." Men are nice only when they need to be:) Come on guys, it's true!

Here's what I think. Men are born to privilege just because of the extraneous appendage they were born with. In the chromosomal level, the other X chromosome of the XX female chromosome broke one of its part (\) and became the Y chromosome thus men have the XY chromosome.

I think Genesis had it all wrong. Women were made first then God broke off or took one of her parts and made a man. Well it was probably a man who wrote the Genesis chapter anyway so I should not be surprised. If you know exegesis then you know that the Creation story is just being what it was- a creation story of the Jewish people. Adam and Eve is to the Jewish people as Malakas and Maganda is to us Filipinos. There goes Pacquiao's argument and those like him on their anti-RH bill. I think they should find better reference material to back their arguments against the said bill. Genesis is the wrong place to look for it.

So ladies, let us get over the whole freudian penis-envy syndrome. We need not prove we are better any more because we are. It is a fact that need not be repeated within the earshot of any brittle penis er I mean egos (actually we can refer to it as PEGOS because their egos are inversely proportional to the size of their appendages). hahaha I am going to get shot if I keep this up. It has always been simple to understand. PEGOS are temperamental much. They need lots of attention and a lot of stroking! Otherwise PEGOS will find them elsewhere. Also remember, even if you do your part, PEGOS will probably still look somewhere else. So you can't win with PEGOS. All you can do is learn to live with the fact that they are what they are, that's all. Men are good friends but lousy partners in relationships. If only I have the power, I would have probably played for the other team.

These things make me realize, how it sucks to be straight. Bisexuals have all the fun really. Watching five seasons of L-word, has made realize how boring straight people like me are. Believe me, the fact that I am also inexperience in the S word is like a double-hand slap in my otherwise perfectly sober state of mind. Then again, maybe I am just so bored that I cannot help but have one of my mental diarrhea yet again.

Boredom is not easily addressed even after hours of playing Farmville, Cityville, Social City, Cafe world, City of wonders and all other FB game applications. No food/alcohol intake Too bad I am on a diet now. The half-empty bottle of that triple distilled vodka is looking mighty tempting. The half-eaten bar of Snickers is just as tempting but I know it is not as head-spinning/bliss-inducing as the vodka.

Again, my-not-so-avid readers I would like to emphasize that this post has just been published recently but I wrote it days ago. I can't make myself delete the whole post even if it lacks cohesion or sense. I still think it is insightful and somewhat funny at least for me. So, Carol, this blogpost does not reflect the state of my mind at least in this case it does not. I just felt writing about it so here it is.

OF MEN AND DOGS

2011-05-17T00:59:00.000-07:00

The recent guy who was wooing me turned out to be MARRIED! Few dates and you think you would know their civil status? HA! But I sigh a sigh of relief because I am grateful to SOMEONE up there for always looking out for me. WHEW! THANK YOU LORD for saving me from that potential disaster!

How I wish that an identification system be set-up where MEN are tagged like cattle, so you know the good from the bad, which ones are taken and by whom. We should be able to see the label whether they're safe to be around or just full of BS! Still, I am glad knowing I am being looked after to by a Higher Power. I have never wished to be involved with someone already involved with somebody else. I share blessings but I will never share a man. I am not selfish I am just old-fashioned.

Don't worry, no harm done. At worst, I have but a bruised ego. I can say that I am waiting for MR. RIGHT but I am all for the challenge of enjoying the wrong ones and getting a good laugh out of knowing how many mr. wrongs out there. I tell you friends, right now, I find myself crushing on a new hottie and I swear I am enjoying both the frustration and amusement of interacting with him. All I can say is that MEN are like computers, overload them with information or ask too many questions and all you get is a (not responding) message.

Observing this guys is like watching my dog NAOMI really. This guys has the ability to solicit my amused smiles and somehow my affection. If you are a pet-owner you know what a delight it is to watch your dog whenever they come up with tricks on their own. Their quirks and behaviour are never-ending sources of amusement (talking about dogs here). It is amazing when you see them act like humans. It is the same with this guy, I find it amazing when he try to come up with tricks or act like human. HAHAHA!

There is not much difference between men and dogs really now that I think about it. You deal with and clean up after their piss and shit. They will test your boundaries. They will see how long and strong the leash is around their neck. If you put them in a cage they will sulk. If you set them lose, they will run around like crazy. See where I am getting at? I am not saying you put a guy on a leash but there are rules you know.

Both species love to be indulged. They cower at signs of threat like raising your palm or raising your game;) Their response to threat depending on their pre-conditioning. But both are viable subjects to reward-punishment system. When you ignore them they will try to get your attention and you affection.

Communication is easy too! You can talk to your dog or reprimand them. They respond to the tone of your voice. Talking to men is very much the same way. Your words are not important. It is the manner of how you say it. It is the tone of your voice that they will respond to no your amazing intellect or being articulate. I HAVE OBSERVED and known this all along. I have test subjects that greatly helped me, prove this conclusion. So ladies, raising your voice or screaming like a banshee will only serve as catalysts to make men shut you out. Hysteria is never a good communication tool to be used on men.

When you stroke their bellies (dog) or ego(men) all the time, they love you for it. When they feel secure, they ignore you when someone comes along. If you are all the there is to it, when you remain the only one standing as they say, they are drawn back to you and act as if you are the only mistress they ever had (still talking about dogs well this applies to some men too). Some breed of men or dogs are loyal and fierce. Some are pussies and flippant.

My Maltese is a pussycat as she is flippant. She is a tease and I am her world only when we are alone. I think some men will be offended with this blog...Ha! I do not care. Prove me wrong I dare you. I am still trying to determine whether my new hottie is like my maltese dog.

I FOUND something hilarious in one of the blogs I came across while surfing blogsites where this guy wrote,

"Why shouldn’t we be dogs? Women make it clear they are out to look for the Alpha male in the bunch. You hardly see a nice guy getting a girl. Most of the time women know what they are exactly getting into, so I don’t know why they all complain. If you find yourself asking that question, ”Why are ALL men dogs?” You must be attracting the wrong type of men. Why don’t you stop going down to the local pub to look for men and go to a chess tournament and find your next date there? I bet there is a sea of men with untapped potential. These are the types of guys that might suit you, more submissive and will worship your every move. While a dog will see you as very replaceable if you start acting up as he has no time for your pettiness. Now, let us sniff."

Alpha male in the bunch? Are you kidding me? Even the sidekick of the sidekick of the sidekick in the bunch is @55hole in his own right. These so-called "nice guys" are tempered or pretentious jerks only "Nicely" packaged and are being sold to gullible women everywhere. I would tell you going to chess tournaments will get you not a good guy but a nerdy jerk whose life probably revolves around chess, comics (sorry the correct term nowadays is graphic novels)or anime, DYI robotics, computers, and whole lot of porn.

I must admit I am very gullible. I always take people's word to heart and believe it to be true. So naturally, once upon a time, just like many hapless females, I too bought into the whole nice guy myth. But as it turned out, I was thoroughly educated. Lucky too that am a fast learner. It is not that nice guys finish last because there is no such thing as a nice guy. Guys finish last because they are gutless and they do not know what they want.

So there you are, not-so-avid readers, the reason why this blogger will probably end up a spinster. I think I will get more dogs at least you can come home to dogs and your troubles go away. If you go home to a man, that's when your trouble starts. You can train a dog, but Men? Na-uh! Ne'st pas? Come on, you know what I mean oui?

OUI! SI! YES! HAI! OO!

Still being a pet-owner has its rewards as having a man has its rewards too. But so far, I prefer having a dog because it is less complicated. You feed your dogs, train them, bathe/ groom them and care for them- You are their world. On Men?... I do not think it will ever be that simple. No need to thank me for giving you some fundamental lessons about men that will likely slightly increase your rate of success as a pet-owner err I mean a girlfriend.

PS. Anime fans do not hate me, I enjoy anime as much as the next nerd. I have action figures, OAVs and other collectibles to prove it. I have memorized opening and ending themes of my beloved anime series. My Ipod has a separate playlist just for my anime songs:) and one item in my bucketlist is to go on shopping spree in Akihabara. So there enough said!

Happy Clam

2011-05-13T03:09:00.000-07:00

DEAR NOT-SO-AVID-READERS, let me just say I have around 10 draft posts since my last post. I could not seem to finish or bring myself to publish them. I think I have exhausted some cerebral juice in the past weeks. I have been trying to keep my mind off something so I go around like the ENERGIZER BUNNY going on and on while clapping cymbals in my hands. I also want to share that on the home front, I am ecstatic because I get to spend so much quality time with my parents and siblings. I am enjoying this moment where I am the ATE that my younger siblings go to when they are in trouble. I have long delegated this to someone next in line to me but lo and behold... this proves that if you want something done right you do it yourself!

I am enjoying my hard financial independence right now. I am still learning to manage my money while trying to live up to my financial commitments and obligations. Yet, I am always grateful because I am blessed. I can proudly say that I am what people would refer to with disdain, "anak ng Diyos'/ "child of GOD'... DARN RIGHT I AM! DARN PROUD OF IT TOO! I AM NEVER WITHOUT DIVINE PROVIDENCE that much I can declare. Someone up above really loves this blogger right here.

Only my friends know the depth of my Faith. My exuberant often silly disposition fool many people. Colleagues think I am a silly know-it-all spoiled brat who know shit about failure even poverty. Joke's on them. I am a proud product of urban poor community. Squatters' represent!

My barkada also known as Atenista11 has adapted a monicker I gave myself somehow. I ripped-it off JP Tan's blogpost "poorest cono" with permission of course. I began to write some jokes on this character. Somehow as I keep using life experiences as my materials for poorest cono... she became my alter-ego. So with affection, my barkada refers to me as the poorest cono. I will introduce poorest cono to you not-so-avid readers. I have yet to find an good artist to help me make her into a cartoon. Believe me I tried being an cartoonist three years ago but I was bad at drawing or sketching.

So all in all, this blogpost is about my life being G-GOOOOOOOD!!! Don't envy me cause I deserve it. I am not rich but I am comfortable. I am not SLIM and SEXY BUT I am getting there:) I do not have legs that stretch a mile but I have great ass;) I have my loving family and I have wonderful friends! I love my job! I am a HAPPY HAPPY CLAM! A single-virgin CLAM BUT A HAPPY CLAM nonetheless.

musings and bitchin'

2011-05-03T02:38:00.000-07:00

I would like to correct the assumption that people make about my love life and lack thereof. It is not a question of when or will I ever get a love life. The real issue is whether I would dare have a love life, and heaven forbid some romance. All those who know me well knows that I have neither the patience nor the humility for a grown-up relationship. I revel on the idea of unrequited love and being single because they provide me self-depreciating jokes, funny anecdotes, and endless funny materials for my blogs.

A friend once told me, "how easily you forget and move on" (referring to the stream of many of objects of my infatuation). To which, I retorted, "My dear, while feelings and attraction are real, they are also illusions. They are easily managed, reformed and if necessary suppressed."

I still believe this until now. While, falling for someone can often be inevitable which is utterly bothersome. Feelings can be wielded and manipulated. I regard attraction/infatuation/love like any form of matter or energy, also falls within the scientific law that energy cannot be created or destroyed but can be transformed. So to the person I am very much into right now, the joke's on you! I must admit I have been pretty taken with someone right now dear readers. Still, if this thing does not go beyond my expectations, I cut my losses and move on... I will give this advise to all my unattached girlfriends. If they like you, let them chase you. If they like you, let them show you. If they are into you or they are in love with you, let them prove it to you. If they fail to do these, GOOD FOR YOU!

Knights in shining armor are as real as the Easter bunny and the tooth fairy. In real life, the only armor men wear are those they use to protect themselves from sports injury or unwanted fatherhood and STDs.

If I am lucky to become a progenitor to another human being someday (may it be through natural or artificial method), I resolved to stir clear of using Disney educational or entertainment tools. If I am fortunate to have a female offspring, I will make sure she will not be introduced to fairy tales and stories that end with "happily-ever-after" until she is old enough to understand that fiction means UNREAL! Sleeping Beauty went home with her prince to find a witch of a mother-in-law who could not understand why suffers from Insomnia. Cinderella realized she needed to change herself in order to adjust to her new life. Snow White found out that her prince cheated on her with someone tanned,blond and has bigger boobs. Rapunzel had a horrible realization that her Man has a hair fetish. Need I go on?

~o~o~

Just finished talking to a friend via YM. She was giving a hallow salespitch about not revolving one's life on men. Have I not been advocating that here in this blogspot? I told her that liking someone or falling for someone must be treated like a disease. PREVENTION is BETTER than CURE! If you get infected with it things turn to shit! I would really prefer being oblivious and happy in my own world where my life revolves around myself rather than being miserably aware or give a damn about someone else's existence.

I hate waiting. I have no patience for games or clever "coy" plotting. If I like someone I tell them but they have to ask me first, after all I am still old-school. I get irritated with pauses and silences. I raise my eyebrow at non-chalance and cold-shoulder. Let me let you in secret, I use smile and niceties to veil a fortified, vaulted heart. I could write a book or manifesto on how to win the battles eventually the war of wills. If I have my way, I will have Snow White singing "Irreplaceable" or " If you can Afford Me" than "Someday my prince will come".... Too bad, I cannot afford the copyrights...

I really need to get some quality sleep. Sleep deprivation is not good for my brain. I keep wasting my time writing crap about crappy things... Oh Mr. Sandman, if you are late again by tomorrow, I will hire Freddy or Jason to kill you off...

Wishes and dreams

2011-05-02T11:09:00.000-07:00

First of all, thank you to all the friends who spared a thought to greet me on my birthday. I am not big on birthdays but I never to appreciate a birthday greeting however shallow or passing. This morning, I attended the monthly convocation of our LGU. I intentionally came late because I did not want to be recognized as one of this months bday celebrants. It was too much to ask I guess because the emcee, Ate Grace also intentionally waited for me to arrive to announce the names of the birthday celebrants. It fell on my lap to give the speech for all the birthday celebrants of the month of May. So, I thanked all of the employees and fellow officials who sang us the bday song and gave my wish for other celebrants.

However, it was inevitable I guess that I got cajoled by the crowd to say out loud my own birthday wish. So, being the politician that I should be I had to joke about my birthday wish. I said, "I have everything that I girl could want. I have been given this great opportunity to serve our municipality. But I guess, it could not hurt to wish for a lovelife." To which the crowd enthusiastically cheered. I was glad I made people chuckle and laugh and say to themselves, "I knew it!"

Still, I must be honest dear not-so-avid-readers. I do not do birthday wishes except last year maybe when I did pray for success in my electoral campaign not just for me but for all those people who worked hard in the campaign. Other than last year, I cannot really recall making a birthday wish. I pray yes but I do not blow candles and make wishes.

Like my past birthdays, this year was no different in how I celebrate another year of life in this world. Before I left for college, I spent birthdays celebrating with my family over dinner or lunch. After I left home and stayed in Manila for several years, I make it a point to spend it with friends. My birthdays are pretty generic and not so memorable. I can only recall two very memorable birthdays both happened during campaign period. 2007 where I got the most wonderful surprise party from my dear dear friends and colleagues in Bukidnon. The other one was last year, when I got an early morning serenade from some of my staunchest supporters that really made me cry. Now that I am back home again, I get to spend birthdays with the family.

Last Sunday just before we went our separate ways to go back to each of our own place and lives,

I had a wonderful lunch with my parents, siblings, the help and my ever loyal and diligent driver. I highly recommend that you drop by Ola Espana in Damosa if you find yourself in Davao City. The Chicken Horno was divine and their slow cooked pork knuckles is decadent. They also make decent paella valenciana and paella mariscos. We were happy with the food that we decided to make reservations for next week's Pacquiao and Mosley fight. After lunch, I spent my time sleeping in the car until I got home.

I received calls and sms messages all throughout the day. I checked on my facebook wall via my cellphone (I love technology I tell you!) to see who posted their greetings. I made sure I respond to each birthday greeting posted on my wall. I just want to share that I got two most memorable and thoughtful things. One was a sms message from an entire barangay( this is one of the barangays that I got the most number of votes) and an offer to sponsor a feeding program in my name. The sponsorship offer came from a very special friend who has relentlessly helped and supported my political career even before it began. One of the most important persons in my life, my best guy friend Don Q can really make me laugh and cry at the same time. I am blessed to have so many wonderful friends. For a single lady like me, my friends are my treasures. Don Q is one of the rarest and priced gems that I have. Bro, I love you and you know that!

I have a loving and supportive family, wonderful friends, a job that I love. I am proud to say I am very blessed indeed. I could not really ask for more...really! Whatever people say about what I LACK and I know well that I am deficient in that area, I still have no qualms about putting it aside. My wishes and dreams have their way of coming true at their own time, this much I believe because off all the things that happened in my life. If it is not meant to be then I have always welcomed the Divine wisdom that has guided me all my life.

I am grateful for this blessed life. Thank you dear God for giving me another year. Like I said time and again, my life is a comedy of errors. I have found that this is God's way of telling me that I have been given one of the greatest gifts- a weapon/armor to deal with all the difficulties and trials. I have been given a great SENSE of HUMOR.

Maybe it does not hurt to make one more wish though. So here goes, I wish for the courage, wisdom and maybe some humility to take on the challenge that I have successfully eluded for years. Thank you!

hahahah... OUCH!

2011-04-17T04:53:00.000-07:00

Dear not-so-avid-readers, my draft blogposts have been piling up. I can't seem to make myself publish those posts because I have not finished them, not really. It seems I have been having many funny conversations lately. So here is one I want to share with you:

This happened this afternoon when my aunt came by to visit me on this cool cloudy lazy Sunday afternoon and found me dozing off in front of my laptop. I live one house away from her separated only by another house that belongs to her brother my uncle. We constructed the fence wall in such away that we can go to each other houses without having to use the road. We have gates that are open all day so we can come and go as we please. So my aunt usually goes to our house to check up on me, to chat or to hang-out with me. We are like best friends you see.

I have translated some parts of the conversation into Tagalog.

Aunt (as she was sitting down, she was lighting her cigarette): Kawawa naman ang pamangkin ko. Mag-isa lang dito sa bahay nyo. Umuwi na ng Kidapawan ang Papa mo?

Dyanne: Opo Auntie, kanina pa. He has appointment mag-papafacial daw. Taray nga eh! Hay naku, ok lang po ako. Nasanay na mag-isa.

Aunt: Ang lakas ng music mo, umaabot sa bahay. Ano ba yan?

Dyanne: Bakit po auntie? You like my music. Classical music po yan auntie. This one playing now composition ni Handel. Meron akong Vivaldi, Chopin, Tchaikovsky at Bach. Pakingan mo tong isa...(played a selection). Di ba nice po?

Aunt: Oo pero parang ang lungkot naman nyan. Anong title nyan?

Dyanne: Hindi yan malungkot. "Tristesse" po.

Aunt: Hay! kumusta ba yung organic gardening mo?

Dyanne: Wala pa po akong time auntie eh. Pero pagnakaluwang na ako. Di pa ako nakakabili ng vermi worms eh. Tsaka kelangan ko pang bumili ulet ng mga mga seedlings para sa spice garden. Namatay yung mga unang inalagaan ko kasi walang nag-aalaga pag-umaalis ako. Mahirap po talaga kung trying hard ka maging "green thumb".

Aunt (sighing deeply): Parang nagpapractice ka na yata talaga.

Dyanne: PO? Practice po ng ano?

Aunt: Living alone, organic gardening, tapos ngayon classical music. Kulang na lang mag-knitting ka. Nagpapractice ka na talagang TUMANDANG DALAGA!

Dyanne: NGE! Ang harsh mo naman auntie!

I say this to you my dear-not-so-avid readers, "If life gives you lemons, BRING OUT THE TEQUILA." Oh wait, I am already having a tequila right now! CHEERS!

Tomorrow might never come. So, whatever! If I do become a spinster, then by GOD, I will be a happy one! HAVE A GREAT WEEK AHEAD Y'ALL!

New Found Love

2011-04-14T00:22:00.000-07:00

I used to be fascinated with classical music even as just as child. It is just that I did not have the resources, the background and even the means to be able to delve into it. When I was just 9 years old, I used to pass by this old store that sold vinyl or phonograhp records -which included 12-inch (30-cm) 33⅓ rpm record (left), a 7-inch 45 rpm record- and the hip cassette tapes (which were the thing in those days as what are MP3s are nowadays) and look at the displays with wonderment as any child would look at window displays of toy store.

In those days, I often envied my friends who had players that can play the huge-ass vinyl records. I was so amazed on how the needle and plastic could produce music together. I had to contend to listening to radios then. I have to admit now that even then, I had a feeling I was not born on the right era. Then cassette tapes became the trend. I grew up to Michael Jackson's music like any child who grew up in the golden age of pop music called the 80's. I was scared shitless the first time I saw the music video Thriller. It became my sole mission to memorize the dance of the zombies. I remember in the 2nd grade, our class were fighting among each other, over which group was going to dance to the newly released song "Smooth Criminal." Try as we might no one could do the gravity-defying forward leaning move... as it turned out, there were special shoes and contraption used by the King of Pop and his dancers.

So, my taste in music evolved as the new genres of music emerged. I even went through the metal rock-music phase with my then bestfriend Kristine Muslim who was the human encyclopedia of the alternative rock and heavy metal music. Her knowledge of the genres astounds me until now. I on the other hand, felt like a pretender or poser because I did not have clue what she was talking about the whole time. I shared her enthusiasm to the ability of music to inspire and open us to heights of philosophical understanding or misunderstanding. Our teenage rebellion phase was expressed thru music. Our defiance to the knowledge and way of thinking imposed to us by school and parents were contained to endless hours of listening to music and questioning things around us. I was a student of Kristine because of her I came to appreciate some of the music and artists of these genres. Till now, I have in one of my many but highly organized playlists, playlist containing songs I loved from Metallica, the staple in my heavy rock playlist. Aside from that, I have some of the 90s alternative rock from Nirvana, STP, REM,Pearl Jam, RHCP, and even a song or two from Silverchair (just because I remember the lead singer was really cute when I was in high school). Alanis Morrisette is also an artist I identify with my high school days.

When I was in college, I moved on to more conventional and upbeat music. As much as I hate to admit it like everyone who professed to hate them, I enjoyed some of the songs from the Spice Girls...hehehe! I remember I loved waking up to Chumbawamba one hit wonder, "Tubthumper". So, I went to road always taken while Kristine stayed true to course. It was all about dancing and going to bars in college. Music from Earth, Wind and Fire and other disco hits made their comeback in the dance floor. Then R&B came out and so I moved with the times. It became my companion while I was slaving away in my paper-pushing jobs. I found myself even at the age of 27 still dancing the night away on Saturday nights and come back to reality on sleepy monday mornings.

When I finally decided to go back home, I kept on looking over my shoulder to what I consider time of parties and dancing. I brought with me my music from those days of parties, alcohol and cigarettes. Whenever I hear as a song, I automatically think of the year it came out. We associate music with memories. I have a pretty good memory when it comes to friends, family, places and events. I have to admit though, I need work on my memory when it comes to faces and names;)

However, I have found myself finally settling in rural life. I find myself looking out of my home office staring at the dark night and listening to its silence. The deafening silence of the night in the province is only enhanced by the singing cacophony of crickets or the occasional eerie howling of the dogs. Until I had wireless broadband installed, I spent listening to these sounds. I have found that there is a harmony to it all.
I was reminded of the music I heard from a forgotten movie a long time ago. All I knew that it felt and sound very much like the Moonlight Sonata of Beethoven.

Up until last week, I was was busy using the internet for the emailing, blogging, social networking and gaming purposes. But I discovered a sharing online application and website, and I started downloading some recognizable works of Ludwig Beethoven. I saw a movie about this genius some months back and I looked up the popular titles fo his works. I have downloaded Furlise via Limewire in my brother's pc in Davao, back in December. I wanted to hear more. I wanted to hear the 9th symphony because it was very presented evocatively in the movie, Writing Beethoven. After that, I went to find the Moonlight Sonata and then I was hooked.

I have done some research on the subject of classical music. Right now, I am studying the history of the genre. Now, I am learning as much as I can about the different musicians and composers in the various era of the classical music. I can say I am a student. If you are to ask me what grade I am in now? I would say, I haven't passed the first grade yet. But I know enough to make a passable conversation on the subject.

I am now able to identify whose works I prefer and whose work I still need to acquire taste for. I believe that my new found love for classical music is something that was inevitable. I will always be fan but I will never be able to play nor will I try to play a musical instrument. My experience in playing instruments can be summed up in three instruments, clarinet, saxophone and the bass drum. I learned I did not have the natural talent or aptitude for playing music. This makes me all the more in awe of the genre because of the talent and the creativity of the compositions. Some may find them abstract but they are not. They evoke feelings,understanding even empathy to some ideals and concepts particularly the compositions of the Romantic Age.

I have so many things to learn about this genre. Someday soon, if I can afford it. I will take up a course or two maybe on classical music. I don't think I will be enrolling in any musical classes though. I envy my little sister because she is taking cello lessons every weekend. When I was in school, I spent my weekends in more less productive pursuits like hanging out with friends, going around the Cotabato City or watching tv.

I am happy to say I have already compiled my own playlist with compositions I like. If I can find cds or books on this subject when I go to Davao next weekend, I will be outrageously happy. I have never been a snob or a fundamentalist when it comes to my preference in music. I can even say that my taste is indiscriminate because I do not stick to one genre. I have come to respect and appreciate music in its different forms. I believe appreciation for classical music should not be limited to musicians, intellectuals and the pompous rich people. I thank the digital age for making classical available and be appreciated by someone like me with no musical talent, scion of the working-class, born in the age of pop and rock, now living in a place where discos and disco music are still considered hip.

I don't really believe in coincidences anymore. I just did not happen to stumble on classical music again. I know this is right time that I can finally indulge myself into listening and learning something more about the genre that fascinated me most since childhood. I am not planning to be a classical music expert. I just hope that someday I can go to concerts and listen to world-renowned orchestras before I die. Hey, a girl can dream you know?!

JOUISSANCE?

2011-04-13T03:18:00.000-07:00

A friend who is also one of my not-so-avid-readers, asked me once, "what does jouissance mean exactly?

I got the term from my Philo 102: "Philosophy of Man II" professor in college. It was during one of the series of classes about Emmanuel Levinas and his works. For first time in the entire two semesters we were in his class that he was late coming to class. He was almost breathless when he got to class and apologize calmly for being late. He explained that he was late because he was having his house renovated and that morning the pipes broke. So he had to do some DIY fixing because the plumber did not arrive yet. So fascinated by his experience about his broken pipes, he told us of the importance of savoring everything and every moment of one's life. He spoke of the joy of being able to relish each experience with exuberance and intensity. Like eating a good food, you should not just chew and swallow, he made us see the importance of savoring the complex taste of good and the feel of eating something that good. He said that is why we call taste "lasa" from the indian word, "rasa" which means the essence and savor of something. He said the french had a similar philosophical belief-jouissance.

I took it in stride, remembering what my professor taught me about life and savoring each moment may it be bitter, sweet, salty or bland. If you look up jouissance in google you would find explanations of the concept alluding if not pointing directly to the erotic. Still, the concept has not lost its meaning to me the first time I encountered it. So erotic or not, I stuck with jouissance because I want to convey in my blog that every experience we encounter every thing we experience must be savored must be relished.

The same professor taught me that people who like to think of themselves as sophisticated or jaded are people who believe themselves to know everything to know about life. If life no longer holds mystery for you, then you really are sophisticated or jaded and you are OLD. If you no longer believe that you have something to learn in this life then you are good as dead...

So, here is a video that should remind us that life is an infinite mystery unfolding continuously unfolding. We should not go out of the theater thinking we already know the ending of the movie. I give you a music video- a blast from the past. Back then as I sing along to this song, I never thought it would mean to me as much as it does to me now. Not-so-avid-readers, the amazing Alanis Morissette:

Taking the Rein

2011-04-09T21:00:00.000-07:00

I think I have been too self-indulgent these past 5 years. I also think I have too much time in my hands right now. I take this as a gift from above. Losing weight has been a touchy topic for me because it is one of things I have been unsuccessful at for the past years. I always had excuses: 1) I do not have time; 2) I do not need to lose weight ; 3 ) I am stressed I need food; 4) I am doing fine because I can still fit into my size 20 clothes; 5) I am pretty and I look great anyway. Sometimes, I think I have too much of brainpower that I can make myself believe anything I tell myself.

It is true that I do not have a problem w/ self-image. I have long outgrown insecurities of my being fatty because I compensated for it on other things. The only time, I really considered myself FAT was just before I decided to take my parent's offer to undergo bariatric surgery. I was gaining weight uncontrollably back then. Even though, my waistline measured at a scary 52 inches, I was still hesitant to let go of the obsessive relationship I had with FOOD. (see this post. "Recovering Addict" to know more).

I will be turning 31 soon. Like I said, I have too much time on my hands because I was used to working in a 9-5 plus undefined overtime jobs. I have been given the opportunity on my chosen career path. But I am still getting used to the idea of not working my ass off. This left me with the realization that my excuse of not having the time to lose weight is no longer applicable. My self-reflection has led me to reconsider and argue against the excuses I have laid for myself on this huge matter called "losing weight".

As much as I try to evade the subject, I know I need lose some more weight because of health reason. I can feel myself getting older and carrying all these excess weight is not as easy as it used to be. I have been bombarded with all kinds of medical information and facts about the dangers of obesity from TV shows (Oprah, Biggest Loser, Doctors and more), books and my very own mother. I am waving now, waving the white flag. Yes, I am Dyanne and I need to lose weight. My sister Johanne and my father has been nagging me, challenging me, that I will not be able to achieve my political goals and ambitions because I could die from heart attack before I get there. So for the LOVE OF CAREER and LOVE of SELF, I am submitting to the GLARING fact that I will not let myself to die before I finish what I set out to do with my life. I must achieve my personal legend first, and I won't let a heart attack or stroke or other obesity-related diseases be the reason for my failure.

The third excuse, I am stressed and I need food. This is one excuse, I myself find hilarious. I have already found ways to deal with stress. Right now, I do not even find this relevant because stress is something that I embrace. It is my reminder that I am alive and I am doing something worthwhile with my life. No amount of stress that badminton, walking, napping, dancing or meditating cannot deal with.

The fourth excuse: I am doing fine because I can still fit into my size 20 clothes. This excuse is no longer practical for me. I am trying to be financially independent from my parents now. Believe me, it is not as easy as I thought it would be. Anyway, last month, when I was in Manila to attend the PCL national convention, I went to do some shopping. It was the first time that I felt sorry for myself because the extra money I had, afforded me to only one item from Marks. It was the first time in a long time that I went shopping and I was astounded at how much one shirt could cost. I was also surprised to the fact that I was surprised by a tag price.

With all the financial obligations I have right now, I can no longer indulge into shopping spree without thinking about the cost. Before, I took for granted all the shopping spree that my mother used to take me to. I never had to think about the cost of buying 10 items from M&S or Debenham's because I was not paying for them (note that these are the only stores that offer trendy clothes for fatties. Most plus size women labels here in the country still offer matronly clothes. We'll take that up on another blog post: the difficulty shopping for plus size women ).

Being a responsible adult while empowering has its downside. Being a sincere public servant can be quite depressing too. Right now, when I think of money, I automatically compute the cost of basic needs for many of my poor constituents. Example, 1 order of Starbucks venti mocha frappucino and a BLT sandwich can feed an family of five for a day. One M&S blouse can buy 2 Jetmatic water pumps that can cater to a community of 5o families. So, when I buy myself something or go out to dinner and have coffee w/ friends, I try my hardest not to do the computations in my head. I tell myself that I deserve to treat myself properly too. So while, I can still buy size 20 clothes, I know now that I will be more cost-efficient to lose weight. This way, I won't be deprived of my basic right to shop and I can get more fabulous but not as expensive clothes when I am size 10 or 8. Hahaha! To be honest, size 10 much more size 8 seems like a mirage of a distant dream to me right now.

My final justification for not losing weight? I am pretty and I think I look anyway I have been idolizing Queen Latifah too much. I forget I am no Queen Latifah... But I am still pretty and fabulous!

Three weeks ago this might have been true. But in the course of my quest to lose weight for the past three weeks, I came across the video I posted in my previous blog. I was somehow shocked you know? I did not really see myself as that BIG or that FAT. You might be thinking this woman must be really delusional. I think I am suffering from the self-image problem opposite to that of an anorexic or a bulimic. Anorexics and bulimic look themselves at the mirror and see themselves as fat. I think I got used to seeing myself fat that when I look in the mirror I do not see a fatty or a fatso.

Pimples or breakouts earn my due drama and attention that many women give to gaining weight. However that video gave me a perspective, I was able to objectively assess myself and judge myself to be F-A-T-fat. So I went ahead and viewed all the pictures in my laptop dated last year until present. First, I was annoyed. I got pissed and finally I went on a self-pity mode for about an hour or so. Then I looked at them again. I evaluated how big I was and I thought to myself, "How in the world did I manage not to see this?" Then, I laughed. I laughed so hard because I was so amused by my own sense of vanity and self-worth that I never really saw myself for what I really was... But then again, maybe it is because I not have a full-length mirror in my house right now so I did not realize how big I was getting. Nah! I must be honest. I have overdosed on self-confidence and self-esteem. Never thought that was possible but I now see it can happen.

So, my not-so-avid readers, I am taking control of myself. I have been decided last month this will be a year I will give for to myself. I will work on my health. My dear Cai, offered to airmail me some nicotine patch/gum, I'm not sure which one. Anyway, nicotine patch/gum will be my aides to quitting smoking. I have not lost my sight on the goal. The cold-turkey decision was really ridiculous. It was like diving off a cliff not caring what was under the cliff. I am resolute in my decision to quitting smoking! While waiting for those, I have been successful in cutting my cigarette consumption. As I write this post, I have yet to finish finish my fifth stick for the day and it is almost 11 pm now.

I was not able to pay much attention to my turning 30 last year. I was so sick from over-fatigue on my birthday. I was also too busy with the campaign. I never had the time to reflect on what being 30 will hold for me. I was focused on getting elected and I did that. Now, I have the time to pause and think about what I want to happen when I turn 31. I do not believe in new year's resolution as I have said in my previous blog posts. However, I do believe in setting goals for myself and having time lines.

I was teased by a friend that maybe my motivation for this personal development is anchored on having a love life. She said, "Hell hath no fury than a woman scorned, or rejected." I had to laugh at this though.

While, having a love life was never dismissed in my wish list..Not yet anyway. It is not in my priority list. I have not given up on the notion that someone out there will like me for what I am. However, right now, I have too many things I must do.

Having something frivolous as a boyfriend will be just be a distraction. This does not mean I will be closing my doors. As a matter of fact, I have a date tomorrow. Before you go there, let me stop you now. I am not doing this for him or any other person. I am doing this for DYANNE. I am not taking the rein of control over my life only to hand it over to someone else. I have my own issues to resolve and I do not need to deal with someone else's issues or problems. It is enough that I have a full-time responsibility to trying to cater to the needs of my constituents. That is my job and that is more than enough to appease my sense of social responsibility.

I decided that I will make the great Diana Ross' song, "It's My Turn" my theme song this year.

PS. I know, had I been born a Man, I would have been one hell of a drag queen! I would put Ru Paul to shame;) LOL!

THAT'S ENTERTAINMENT

2011-04-04T06:54:00.000-07:00

Dear, not-so-avid-readers, I have tried my hand on making my first home movie. This is a video of me and my colleagues during last year's foundation anniversary of our beloved LGU-Tulunan. This is purely for entertainment only and should not be taken seriously..DUH!

To those who know me well, they will not be surprised of my participation because after all I always live up to the challenge of bringing entertainment to an audience. Had I not become a politician, I would have been a government employee that will moonlight as a stand-up comedian...

I salute my fellow SB members and our young and energetic vice-mayor for their cooperation and participation in this performance. We wanted to spice things up for the LGU night and I think we have done so quite successfully. FYI, this has inspired some of our barangay officials to also participate in the activities of their foundation anniversaries not only as event organizers but as real participants. We are planning that on our Golden Anniversary, LGU night will not only include the all the LGU offices ut hopefully the barangays as well. An inter-barangay dance competition that will include dance sports and modern dance to be performed by the barangay officials themselves.

Dancing is not limited to professional dancers. It is an expression of self even individuality that must be enjoyed even by the most uncoordinated and ungraceful of people. This performance by our group showcased commitment and discipline because we made time to practice in the late hours in the evening after long days of frantically working on various activities of our foundation anniversary. Precious family time and rest periods were given to bring entertainment even laughter to our constituents.I hope you'll enjoy this little video dear readers;)

Missing my Boys

2011-03-30T23:25:00.000-07:00

A true friend is someone who knows there's something wrong even when you have the biggest smile on your face.

I am in one of my nostalgic mood. I am surfing the net and making myself busy by browsing through different pages of my friends in Facebook while I listen to music from my childhood and youth: MJ, Madonna, Debbie Gibson, Cindy Lauper, TLC and 98 degrees just to name a few artists in my 80's and 90's playlists.

Like they said nothing can bring back memories like music can. It feels like a head rush after a period of nicotine deprivation. I am smiling, dancing in my chair and singing to the melody I know so well. Just now, I had to close the sliding door because someone in the street might see me dancing to the beat of "Thriller". It is bad enough that the helpers are laughing silently behind my back. I cannot have strangers speculating if I am on drugs or worse I am crazy. This will not be good for my burgeoning political career. It might be over before it has started. If I were in their place, what other conclusion will I arrive at seeing a fat politician dancing to MJ songs? I will think she is crazy, on drugs or maybe she is trying to lose some weight perhaps? It could happen. It is possible...

Let us go back to childhood and youthful memories, let me just say this, "I miss my barkadas." I have been in a nostalgic mode since I got sick last Thursday. It just occurred to me that I am without friends here in my hometown. I am talking about friends with history and innumerable memories kinds of friends. All my friends are either in Manila, Davao, Cotabato or somewhere else. I am feeling just a little bit tad lost and MAYBE a bit lonely because I cannot share stories right away. I have to wait for the time I go back to Manila and update them. Even then, get together events are hurried and often sweeping.

I miss my boys particularly. I miss their insensitive and often inappropriate remarks on just about everything. I was amazed and still being amazed now on how they are able cut to the heart of the issue and recommend rational even outrageous suggestions or course of action.

Honestly, I realize now that I did not mind cleaning up after their mess, mopping floors and washing the empty glasses and dishes at 3 in the morning . I haven't being called, "Sides, Dyes or even Sideno" for quite a while now. This past weekend made me remember all the scrabble nights, movie nights, "gimiks", and poker nights with my boys- Ronald, Mando, King, Red, Jr and Don Q. I was absently smiling to myself when I recall those nights when we think it is normal for guys to put on facial masks and nose trips while playing scrabble or cards.

Ah but then reality slapped me out of it (term I got from the show Cougar Town they used slapped out of it rather than snapped out of it). All my boys but two are married. They are fathers with responsibilities and grown-up problems now. Three of them just had their second child. Congratulations GUYS! whoop tee-do! I think my uterus just got tugged at by Ally Macbeal's imaginary baby. (TICK-TOCK-TICK-TOCK sounds like my biological clock)

To my dear boys, in case you want to know, I have been having a very interesting year so far. I think that some guys really think that just because I am single and available that I am also gullible... Besides, these boylets won't stand a chance after they go through your well-laid test plans. It pays to know how men thinks. I guess I have been quite fortunate that I have great guy friends who kept me at bay and grounded when I should be doing pirouettes had I been left on my own devise. These are the times when I utter a prayer of thanks for my boys and all the times I spent learning from them.

Old habits die hard indeed. I am not talking about smoking here. Let's leave that topic for another post. I am talking about how I always end up having a bunch of guys as my circle of friends. As I have explained in my past blog "One of the Boys", having guys has its advantages and disadvantages. I also came to the conclusion that they are worth all the worries, sleepless nights, hang-overs, and all the headaches.

My beloved Red's favorite punchline whenever he sees me upset over something one or all of them did, "Wag ka na mag-ugtas Dyes." Sigh, as their mother hen and den mother for years, I miss bitching, lecturing and berating my boys. I have to admit I miss the "UGTAS" ,the exasperation even the resignation to the fact that they are who they are. I do not have that now. I only get to scold my dogs Naomi and Dalma and they cannot even understand what I am saying to them.

To my boys, my crew, I miss you all!

LET US PRAY

2011-03-29T23:09:00.000-07:00

I don't mean to be MEAN but the death of these Filipino drug mules is a clear and resonating message from the People's Republic of China. I do not feel sorry for these drug mules but I am sorry for their families. Their loss is tragic that I cannot even begin to imagine. They just lost their father, mothers, sisters, brother and children. Yet I am firm in my belief that we must not treat them as if they were martyrs. Each one of us is responsible for the decisions and actions we make, they were no different. Whatever their reason/s may it be the usual suspect called poverty, transporting drugs is never the answer. They gambled and they lost. That is all there is to it.

I find it hypocritical for some people to voice out their opinions as if they know what is really going on. I am incensed at how easy it is to criticize our government when they have no idea how difficult drug enforcement is and how dangerous it is for drug enforcers. I think it is best to shed our tears and give our support to our drug law enforcers who stake their lives everyday to protect us and our way of life from the evils of illegal drugs rather than these drug mules who brought shame to us as a people. I am irritated because right now all this outpouring of sympathy will be long forgotten in a month or so. People know the names of these drug mules yet they do not know the names of those drug law enforcers who have died serving their country.

FYI, Chinese government has already deported Filipino drug mules back to the Philippines because of humanitarian consideration for years now. Yet the number of Filipino drug mules arrested is increasing every year. Warnings, precautions and efforts have been made to protect our countrymen from drug syndicates. Our government has no hold over an individual's decision to engage in drug trade. "PUNO NA ANG SALOP". They have yielded and gave consideration because of strong diplomatic relationship w/ RP. PRC is not going to help itself if it bends over once more for RP. How does it expect to discipline and enforce its own laws to its citizenry when it yields to foreigners?

A friend told me, " you live a comfortable life, what do you know what motivated these drug mules? who are you to judge them?" I am not judging them. The PRC judged them and carried out their sentences. This discussion is moot and academic because they are dead. I am just expressing my opinion on the public's reaction. " Pray for them! Or sad day for us all."

I cannot pray for them because they are already dead. Whatever transpires after a person dies is between him and His Maker. Salvation and faith is a personal thing. I say this to you, pray for their family instead. Pray for their children that they will survive and live to be productive members of the society.

Pray for you leaders so that they will realize that they serve to uphold public interest and not their own. Pray for yourself that you find the strength and conviction to make a difference in this world. Pray for your religious leaders that they will discern and can tell apart God's voice from their own. PRAY that you will find your life's purpose and you can serve God faithfully. Let us pray for ourselves. Let us pray for this country instead.

SOUND ADVICE

2011-03-29T05:55:00.001-07:00

Do you want to meet the love of your life? Look in the mirror.
-Byron Katie

Hello not so-avid-readers, this is a story of a man and a woman who have best of friends since childhood. I found it funny and enlightening so I just had to share it with you.

In one of her PMS moments, the woman sent this text message to her best friend.

"Bro, why are guys so damn irritating? If I have my way I will get rid of all the men whom I find irritating and frustrating. I am not really cut out for all these love life drama. I want to get this all done and be a spinster already. I do not need men. If the time comes that I do need to get laid, I can always hire someone! Lintek na mga lalaki to. Sorry dude had to get that out of my system. Musta? Ano gimik mo dyan? I am bored to death here..."

After two nights, the man suddenly remembered he needed to respond to the message and called up his bestfriend.

Man: Oi! what's with the message? You have a problem with something? Is this about lovelife? Or you are just being crazy? What's up? What is your problem?

Woman: YES, it's about lovelife if you must know. I am really frustrated. I felt like I got played again. (then babbled something that even she cannot understand)... I really thought this is the one with the cojones at last!

Man: Sigh! Have you scared away another one? You should really tone down you know? Your brains always gets the better of you! What did I say before? DO NOT be TOO SMART! You are a wise ass that cannot keep her mouth shut!

Woman: I was not being smart at all. I pretended to be dumb and conforming. I even keep the conversation going if he does not know what else to say! I do not want

Man: You want my rational advice?

Woman: Yes of course, that is why I sent you that message.

Man: Buy him off.

Woman: What?

Man: You heard me? Buy him. Is he poor? If he is, then you can get him at a much cheaper price.

Woman: Are you mad? This is not a blouse or thing from the shop we are talking about here! I don't buy men! Besides I cannot afford it!

Man: I was just kidding. What do you want exactly? Get him right?

Woman: No. I am not sure. I think,I will settle with just getting even with him.

Man: If you want to get him, then play by the rules. Buy him not with money but impress him with who you are and what you can give to him. If you just want to get even, then we can draw a plan for that too.

Woman: How about getting him and getting even with him at the same time?

Man: Now, you are being irrational. You cannot have both. But if you get him, then somehow that is already getting even with him. If you get him to commit to you then he is yours for the taking. So what is it that you really want?

Woman: Let me think...

Man: Does he like you? or you just made it up in your mind?

Woman: He said he does. So I thought he did.

Man: Ok, so if there is a possibility that he likes you, then you have to stop moping! You're stupid for waiting you know. Do not give him a hint that you are waiting for him. Do not do anything right now.

Woman: How is not doing anything going to help me?

Man: You need to think this one through. Boy, what they say about smart women being dumb when it comes to love applies to you!

Woman: That's why I am asking for your help!

Man: Like I said before and I will say it again, "If this guy likes you, YOU WILL KNOW." Be patient. Right now, find something productive to do with your life. Focus on your career. Do not pin away for this guy. If he comes back then that is the time you make your move.

Woman: Go on, I am listening.

Man: So go with the friend angle but be careful not to cross the "friend zone". Do not treat him like you treat us your guy friends. Make him think he is smarter than you. Do not upstage him. Do not compete with him. Be yourself but temper it or bring it down to 50%. Cojones as cojones go, us, men do not like to feel emasculated. So stop acting like a crazy bitch! We know you are a crazy bitch but he does not need to know that..not right now or at least not right away. Please, if you want this to work, DO NOT CUT HIM DOWN!

Remember it is not easy for real men to put their heart out there only to be cut to pieces. If he does not make his presence known within this week then, forget the loser. You are better off. You should always keep this in mind not just with this guy but for future reference.

I don't ever want to receive crazy messages from you again. If you need my advice or you need reminding, text
me that you need to talk to me or you need my help. Jeez! You're acting like most women: desperate. You are not most women. You have the advantages of being having us guys as your friends. You should know better. I have to go now, someone is on the other line. I'll see you next weekend then we'll talk more about this.

Woman: Ok, I will keep these in mind. Thank you for the sound advice. See you then. Bye!

The characters in this story are purely fictional any resemblance to real person/s is purely coincidental.

I do not know about you dear readers but I think what the Man told to his best friend is all true. I find this funny because I realized in this conversation how different men and women are when it comes to giving advice. We should all be so lucky to have this Man as one of our friends, don't you think?

If I must add something to this conversation, I would say that the Woman should first learn to love herself before she starts expecting to be loved by some guy. But that is just me. I have had a long loving relationship with myself. I have yet to have my heart broken.

Have a great week ahead y'all!

failing and falling down

2011-03-22T19:20:00.000-07:00

Can I just say, withdrawal is a bitch! I did not went through the cold turkey because in a matter of eight hours, I was already sick as a dog. I am still sick because of that hours deprivation. I thought I can do it. But I have to be honest...I AM NOT STRONG ENOUGH!

So, I revised my plan. I cannot be dissuaded on my decision. I am still quitting but I will go with the slow pace. One good thing that came out of this experience is that I have been able to drastically cut down my cigarette consumption. Truth be told, I am exhibiting flu-like symptoms right now. I am feverish. My throat is swollen. I am irritable as hell. I think my body is rebelling against me for putting it through cold-turkey withdrawal when I should have gone with the smoke-cessation strategy.

Though it pains me, I have to admit that I was wrong. I need help in this effort. I need to consult a doctor and I need forgive myself for failing. I just need to pick myself up and dust myself off and go with my decision still.

I need to do more homework on this one. I have gone through dozens of websites and read several more materials to help me in this quest.

Somehow, I am not able to smoke as much as I want now because I am sick. Not only does my throat is sore and swelling, my body is aching all over. My head feels like it has been hit by a hammer. think I am getting help from the Divine somehow. Thank GOD! I am in pain but I will get through this.

I am being a drama queen I know but I only get to be one when I am sick. I get emotional when I am sick. Otherwise, on normal days, I am your well-adjusted grown-up who take things in stride.

One of the most valuable lessons I have taken from college is the value of humility and acceptance of failure. Mind you, I hated failures. But after going through what I call, formative college education, I was able to accept failures and learn to forgive myself for them. Ah! Only my closest friends know what I went through and how I was finally able to came out of it, adjusted and optimistic. You know who you are:)

So, Plan B: wade through this sickness then start all over again.

CALM BEFORE THE STORM

2011-03-20T07:00:00.000-07:00

I know I am not fully prepared for tomorrow's QUIT DAY. Just thinking about it makes me want to pick up and light another cancer stick. I have been going over my decision. The loud addict voice in my head is screaming. It is telling me, "I cannot do this. I must be crazy to even think that I can be a fully functional human being this week without my cigarettes." Then again, the quieter voice whispers, "I am doing this. I am going to make it. I have made the right decision." My dear not-so-avid-readers, I am not going crazy. I am not schizophrenic. I am just indulging in one of my pastimes, reflecting on my alone time.

It seems that I have been having a lot of time to reflect lately since I moved back to my hometown. I was forced to adjust to the quite slow pace of life here. I have been able to cope with long, quiet nights and a sadly disappointing limited cable television. It was a real treat when I received a present from my parents- a 42 inches flat screen HD TV & multi-media player with surround sound system. Yet, I since I got it, I have not watched anything real worth watching on it. I have left my pirated DVD collections in old apartment in QC. I cannot watch movies or my beloved television series like Supernatural, Bones, House MD, or even Gossip Girl ( I admit it, I am a fan of teeny -booper series too). I just realized how many things I have shed from my own life. Life after all is about trade-offs. I have to lose some to gain some.

"How will I keep myself occupied now?", I think to myself, as I look at my last pack of cigarettes. I only have a few more sticks left. I am reserving the last two sticks tonight before I sleep. Who knew, that looking at my last pack of cigarettes almost makes me cry? I feel like I am saying goodbye to my most cherished friend.

So, I am dedicating this version of a song by the by the The Platters and Frank Sinatra to my long-time companion and friend, Marlboro. This is my eulogy perhaps, as I bid farewell to something that has held my interest and loyalty all through these years.

Smoke Gets In Your Eyes

They asked me how I knew
My love for you is true
I of course replied
"Smoking feels good inside
Cannot be denied"

They said someday you'll find
All who smokes gets blind
When your lungs on fire
You don't realise
Smoking is your life

So I chaffed and I gaily laughed
To think they doubt my resolve
Yet today, my smoke will burn away
Lost, sad without my sticks

Now doubting friends deride
Tears I cannot hide
Oh, so I smile and say
"As its lovely flame dies,
Smoking was my life "

I am not finished yet my dear readers. I know I do not have any poetic skill just ask my English teachers. But, I have to get this out of my system. I know I owe this much to my first true love. I hope you will like it too my dear readers. This poem is entitled: MARLBORO my FRIEND

In the darkest of days
In the brightest nights
Knew I could always smoke you
Whether you are red or lights
Our memories I take with me
Coffee with colleagues
Sleepless hours of study
In bars, we love to party

Dependable companion
In a lonely crowd
Just lighting you up
I do not feel so alone

Your smoke are my unshed tears
Inhaling you, I able take on
Anxiety, let them be bygones
Able to set aside all doubts and fears

Once declared that I won't quit
Until I found new love
One that will be as true as you
Now, I feel like a cheat

Farewell Marlboro, dear friend
As I light my last stick
Right dictates, I know now
Our days together must end

Mind tricks

2011-03-19T09:26:00.000-07:00

I'll be damned, I do not know where this is coming from but I just came down with fever. Oh maybe I just feel feverish. Maybe, I do not have a fever but just because I am anticipating being feverish starting Monday that my whole system is obliging too early. I only have one day left before the QUIT DAY.

I am going to have to wake up tom early to conduct an on-site inspection. I am actually drowsy now but my mind is still racing with ideas. So I am breaking my one week's worth of blog posts and I am going for the two weeks mark. After all, I need something to occupy my mind when the withdrawal symptoms kick in. I will try my best to articulate and share this week's experience with you my not-so-avid-readers.

Should I succeed or should I fail, you will be the first ones to know about it. I believe this is all psychosomatic symptoms where my mind is playing tricks on me. I used to remember how I used to have these symptoms back in college. One week before Hell week, I would come down with fever, coupled with LBM and dehydration. Talk about effects of tension eh? My body is quite more reactive to anxiety as get older. I often wake up with a throbbing headache that can be appeased by my first nicotine-induced head rush.

If I am successful to do away with smoking, I have to find something to occupy myself on real quiet nights here in the province as I sit in front of my laptop and surf the net or watch television... This is going to be a real war of mind over body. This is going to be my real Hell Week. Pray for me will you? So that, I won't lash out or run over the nearby sari-sari store to buy me a pack of cigarettes.

Will keep you posted on what I will go through this week. I pray I have enough mind power to trick myself into quitting smoking.

COJONES and Late Bloomers

2011-03-18T19:08:00.000-07:00

I realized I have posted some quite serious posts these past few days. I am sorry for having steered off the course, I set. So, I'll try my best to make it up to you.

All my friends, even my sister calls me a late bloomer. I say to them, "Better late than never."
I have been going through what seems like a pubescent stage right now. I was never able to experience adolescent romance because I could not seem to find the time before. I fell in love yes, several times in fact. The funny thing about me is my romantic history can be summed up in two words, "UNREQUITED LOVE." It was my FERVENT wish before when I hit my quarter-life crisis that if I die someday, my gravestone will look like this:That was then. Right now, my mind is far from death or having a gravestone. Right now, I am enjoying what I call a pubescent romance. When someone reaches a certain age,one becomes less particular. Before, I am very discriminating of age difference. I always wanted someone older than me. Right now, I am relishing the fact that I am being wooed by a younger man. YEAH! You heard me dear not-so-avid-readers?! I am enjoying the attention of a reserved, bright, and oh-so responsible cutie pie. HAHAHA! The thing about young men, they are very respectful and thoughtful. They have not yet learned the cynical and calculating ways of older men.

I am Dyanne Kristine Sideno and I am a late bloomer. I do not know where this will lead to but I sure am enjoying it while it lasts.

When older men have tuck their tails and run, I have to hand it to this guy, he does have "COJONES". I am so over the TORPE drama scene. Like I said ladies, "If he likes you, he will let you know. SIMPLE and DIRECT." If your guy is playing games, FORGET about HIM. It's too stressful to deal with grown men trying to grow their balls. Ballsy women like me need ballsier men. They have to have "cojones."

As of now, I am still assessing my options. It is not like I am already involved with the guy or I am going to marry him. As a late bloomer, I deserve to relish this experience. I am taking my time. Hell, I waited this long, I am not in any hurry. For the snobs and haters, "Shut it!" I am not in the mood to deal with your prejudices.

Long live Women Empowerment! It is Women's month after all and women are entitled to engage themselves with whomever they want, regardless of age!

Here's another song for you ladies from the wise Ms. Katy Perry. Again I put some of my twist on the lyrics.

If You Can Afford Me

If you want me, a cherry on top
The pick of the pack, the crème de la crop
If you want me you better
Do well your homework alright , oh, oh

If you want me, it takes more than a wink
And more than a drink, more than you think
If you want me you're gonna
Have to break you back

'Cause some don't have the patience
Some call me high-maintenance
You pay with your balls, 'cause that's the deal

If you wanna ride, just name your price
And don't play cheap with your heart
Don't make a bet if you can't write the check for me, for me
'Cause I can't be bought and you'll pay the cost
If you can afford me

If you want me, I'm not kissing your ass
Wait and pin away for you
You might not have better luck next time
Oh no

If you want me, then stop playing
I don't put out for chickenshits
If you want me you have to real
COJONES alright

But I don't need your dollar bills
I just want something real
'Cause nothing's free, except for loving me

If you wanna ride, just name your price
And don't play cheap with your heart
Don't make a bet if you can't write the check for me, for me
'Cause I can be bought but you'll pay the cost
If you can afford me

If you want me, a cherry on top
The pick of the pack, the crème de la crop

If you wanna ride, just name your price
And don't play cheap with your heart
Don't make a bet if you can't write the check for me, for me
'Cause I can't be bought and you'll pay the cost
You can't afford me

Who knew, all I had to do was decide to quit smoking, and TADA! God rewarded me instantaneously! It must be an incentive, to help me get my mind off cigarettes. THANK YOU LORD! Here, I was thinking that it is going to be a miserable couple of weeks of withdrawal. I should really pray more. Divine Intervention and grace has not failed to show up even when I do not ask for them. I am a late bloomer and I am blessed indeed... I just pray this cutie pie can afford me (you know, if he can keep up with this temperamental b!tch in the next weeks of my withdrawal period, I mean). After all, he has been properly warned...(chuckles)

QUICK VS. SLOW: A PLAN to QUIT SMOKING

2011-03-17T19:37:00.000-07:00

Since my last post, I have been having a real personal crisis dear not-so-avid-readers. I have resolved to quit smoking this year before my 31st birthday. I have only 43 days to left before I turn the big 3-1. I hope to be free of my filthy habit of smoking by then. So this morning, I have done my research. I am drafting my plan to quit smoking... GOD HELP ME!

Just writing this post made me lit one more cigarette to be honest. I have come to decision to quit smoking on my own. No one has the power to convince me to quit so far, I am doing this for myself. A gift I will give myself now that I am on the threshold of stepping out of the calendar days. So, I will follow what the American Cancer Society has to say: There is no one right way to quit, but there are some key elements in quitting with success. These 4 factors are key:

• Making the decision to quit
• Setting a quit date and choosing a quit plan
• Dealing with withdrawal
• Staying quit (maintenance)

I am literally on verge of tears now, as I have read the possible things I will be facing on the coming days. I am reviewing my options to either go COLD TURKEY plan or go for the SMOKE CESSATION plan. I feel as if I must view this as like ripping a bandage. Do it quickly rather than slowly. However, the research I have done have stopped me on my planned rampaging path of going cold-turkey. Here's an excerpt of what I have found out so far:

Nicotine Withdrawal Symptoms

Nicotine dependence causes an addiction to these tobacco products. If and when you try to quit, you may face any number of nicotine withdrawal symptoms; most people who try to quit deal with at least one. These symptoms can include:

headache
dry mouth
cough
irritability
cravings to smoke
constipation
anxiety

As a rule, people who have smoked for a longer period of time and those who smoke at a higher volume (a larger number of cigarettes in a day) will have the greatest likelihood of nicotine withdrawal symptoms. Symptoms may also be made worse at certain times of day or in certain places. Your mind may unconsciously associate a variety of places, people, or times with smoking and set off a trigger to smoke.

The Problem with “Cold Turkey”

The physical withdrawal from nicotine is only temporary, but it can be difficult to cope with your body’s reaction. If you choose to quit without the assistance of a smoking-cessation aid (sometimes known as quitting “cold turkey”), withdrawal usually begins two to three hours after you last smoke, and the symptoms are likely to get worse for several days. Peak withdrawal occurs about three days after your last smoke. Then, as your body becomes accustomed to not having the nicotine, symptoms of withdrawal will subside.
Read more: http://www.healthline.com/health/quit-smoking-nicotine-withdrawal#ixzz1Guq4ChGR
Healthline.com - Connect to Better Health

Honestly, I am fearful of the consequences because I cannot afford right now to have the symptoms particularly that of the irritability part. Bad mood or depression can hurt my political career. I have to mingle with people everyday. D@mn IT! I will be coughing and throwing up gunk out of my lungs... My, can I really do this? I am a serious smoker not your average social smoking bitch who think it is cool to smoke. I am not liking this...

But I have made up my mind... I have three days left in my happy smoker life. I have scheduled my QUIT DAY on a Monday. So I can go to church the day before and pray for some strength. I have limited myself today to 10 sticks no more no less... Tomorrow until Sunday, I will have 5 sticks. Then on Monday, COLD TURKEY BABY ALL THE WAY!

So, bear with me, my not-so avid-readers, as I take you with me to my PATH OF MISERY. I will be using this blog to post my daily struggles to win over my NICOTINE ADDICTION.

PS. I think the brazilian coffee, I'm drinking is laced with meth. I am highly wired and I cannot get enough sleep. I am wide awake after 6 hours. This afternoon I finished an hour of taebo and a game of volleyball and I still haven't run out of breath. My sister is saying that my lines under my eyes are getting real dark and I am losing weight. Hurray! This will make for an interesting withdrawal... I just hope I do not pass out because I don't think is anyone capable of catching all these weight.

Warning: Smoking is Dangerous to One's Health

2011-03-16T21:39:00.000-07:00

I am going for the gold here: One week's worth of blogs. So enjoy not-so-avid-readers. I just want to share what happened to me today. It's wednesday so I just finished my radio program that tackles local and national issues that affect local development. My radio program is called "Tintin at your Service" and it airs every Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 12 noon to 1 in the afternoon.

I have made it my advocacy to inform people on issues often overlooked by the popular media and the tabloid-like television new shows. I tried to discuss things that affect people and how they see things. Ironically, this blog is about seeing things my way but I cannot do that in my radio program. I am after all a local official and I have to be more responsible on what I say on air.

So, there I was just finished what I believe a pretty interesting episode. Although, I have no way of knowing how many people are actually listening to my show. At least, I have my leaders and supporters and some part of the populace of my municipality, I know that listen to it. On with my narration. I went home and had my lunch and proceeded to attend a public hearing of various ordinances.

One of the ordinance was about "Smoke-Free Environment." While, it touched a cord in me that smoking is prohibited, I have to admit to the wisdom of the said ordinance. To my friend Cai and my mother's dismay, I have to confess that I am a smoker.

I am a smoker but I know I am first a public servant that should uphold public interest over my own. Thus, I have given the author of the ordinance, my colleague, Dr. Jeofre Espanola, my full support.

It had to be said that while I know many of my relatives and friends are smokers, we, smokers should be more responsible in our habit. Public areas must indeed be restricted to smokers. It is bad enough that we are killing ourselves, it is another thing to be responsible for another human being's health and welfare.

I know that I should quit smoking like I know I should lose weight for health reasons. I have
once successfully quite smoking for more than a year. But when I look back at that year, it seems like a lifetime ago. I still have a chance still especially that I live in a place where smoking particularly of women is frowned at by many. My dear readers, I am not going to declare right now that I will quit cold-turkey. But, I limited myself from 1 pack a day to half a pack a day since last week.

I am slowly depriving myself of the almighty nicotine. I have tried going cold turkey before and it was not a pretty sight. I had high fever for more than a week and I was shivering like crazy
because I was feeling really cold. But, I have decided that this year is my year. I will stop smoking this year...( sounds phoney right? smokers like the addicts that they are cannot be trusted with their declarations of quitting)

Dear, not so avid readers, I am accountable only to myself on this matter. I do not wish to have ugly teeth and old skin. To be honest, my sense of vanity was touched more than my concern for my health. Like I said, I am not afraid to die anymore. I am at peace with my own mortality. I just do not want people saying how I once was pretty while looking at my ugly embalmed body in the coffin. I do not want my friends saying, "what happened to her face? she looks older"

Truth be known, my main or my real concern right now is I do not want to get ugly!!! Smoking can do that to you. I am more vain than I thought. But this pretty face is a result of generations of development of my families' gene pool. So, I have the responsibility to take care of it... hahaha

Sometimes, it pays to appeal to someone's vanity rather than their concern for their health. Smokers like me can't see our lungs or other internal organs and the damage we inflict to ourselves. But we get to look at ourselves in the mirror several times a day, everyday.

If I were the Secretary on Health, I would revise all government warnings on labels of cigarettes and put this instead: "WARNING: SMOKING CAN MAKE YOU UGLY. IF YOU ARE UGLY, IT CAN WORSEN YOUR CONDITION. IT WILL KILL YOU SLOWLY AND PAINFULLY."

Now there is an effective ad banner for anti-smoking campaign.

All in a Day's Work

2011-03-15T06:15:00.000-07:00

While, I know that I am handling manly committees in my work, I never compromise my sense of self when it comes to my job. So today, I went to an on-site inspection wearing wedges when I should be wearing sneakers...

I know I should have been more practical when it comes to dressing myself up. But sometimes, a woman's gotta do what a woman's got to do. I knew I was attending another meeting right after the inspection so I figured, I might as well dress up for both occasion right? RIGHT! So I insisted on making my way in the drizzle and what could be potentially muddy road to inspect some burial chambers.

I am making up for lost time I guess. I have been neglectful of my responsibilities because I have been traveling to Manila for the past three months. So, since Monday, I have been going to wakes and catching up on my other obligations. I am supposed to attend a beauty pageant tonight but thanks to my driver who is probably fast asleep, I cannot go. So here I am blogging again.

I cannot complain. I love my job right now. It is quite interesting to be able to discuss our stand on constitutional amendments in the morning then go to cemeteries in the afternoon and catch a quick nap while attending a meeting with different irrigators' associations.

I have my radio program to keep me on my toes and I have internet connection to keep me occupied at night.
All in all life is good except for the money.

My financial situation is a mess as usual. If I were to quote my friend Carol in her testimonial about me in Friendster, it goes like this, "Dyanne is always broke." A very astute observation I cannot argue against after all, it is true.

Broke but happy. Life is good still. Until some nosy relative or even some stranger rudely reminds me without as much as a prelude about my lovelife or the lack thereof, this is the only time I get testy. Come on! My existence need not be defined by having a "boredfriend", boylet, lovelife and sexlife or the lack of all of the above...

So help me God, if someone asks me one more time, why I am not married... I will suck it up and smile my most malignant smile and tell them, "I do not plan on getting married. I am waiting for another immaculate conception thru me. I promise to let you know as soon as an angel appears before me and declares me to be next freakin Virgin Mary..."

Good night not-so-avid-readers! I just had to blog about something because I am going for a personal record of one blog per day for a whole week. So bear with me will you? I promise I will also blog about it should I be so blessed to conceive or procreate out of thin air!

Amen.

Doomsdayers and beauty queens

2011-03-14T02:01:00.000-07:00

My sister likened me to the recent Fukushima no. 2 nuclear reactor that was reported to have leaked radioactive materials... She thinks my literary juices are leaking and I am trying to salvage as much as I can before it's too late. I beg to differ. I have been on a blogger's block for more than a year now, not knowing what I want to blog about. So, I am enjoying this time when I am what my friend Fritz referred to as "agitated and disturbed".

The truth is I have been quite restless since I got back home because I am trying to adjust myself to the bucolic pace of life, I was used to until three months ago, when I have been going around like the morbidly obese energizer bunny that I am...

So, I am taking a breather. While my butt is getting acquainted to my "mistress of the universe" chair again, my mind is cranking up coming up with things I want to write. I used to limit myself to at least one blog per month or per week but right now, I am going for a blog a day... I feel like the squirrel HAMMY in the movie "Over the Hedge",who was doped up in coffee.

Who knows when will my mind quiet down,and when I will go back to my self-imposed quota of one blog per week. I know I have to get this out of my system. I have been having painful headaches every time I wake up for the past few days. I honestly do not know what I ingested but I feel like my brain synapses are going off like that of a lighting rod that got hit by lightning. So, my apologies to Joy and my other readers for having mental diarrhea again. I cannot seem to get my point across.

Ah yes, now I remember, I want to say I want smack those people spreading false information about nuclear meltdowns. Stop exacerbating the issue. If you are not part of the solution, for the love of God, restrain yourself from giving false information. As for the doomsday aficionados, who died and made you Nostradamuses? It is true that it seems that as if these catastrophes are what you want to call as signs of times. So, the world will end? So what?

Doomsdayers are such fearful people, some even profess themselves as men of God. My early awakenings as a Christian has been, sad to say, motivated by doomsdayers. Repent for the World will End! So, the 14 years old Dyanne could not sleep for days dreading the end of the world. I was scared shitless thinking of the different ways, I could die or how my loved ones could die. So I went ahead and grab the opportunity of Salvation.

I have matured spiritually since then. I am aware that I am a struggling Christian. My Lola would call me a "BACKSLIDER". That much I can admit to and I am not proud of it. I know I have much inadequacies as a Christian. But I know where I belong and what I stand for.

However, if there is one thing that I am grateful about my Jesuit education ,it is the wisdom of "questioning faith". We have to use also intellect and wisdom when it comes to religious doctrines. It is tricky yes because as we are told that FAITH is believing rather than seeing. I beg to differ, we have been given logic, intellect and faith not just the latter. So while these times call for faith and prayer, let us also use the brains that God has given us. Praying with faith means asking for it and thanking for God already for what you have asked in faith has already been given to you. HOPE and FAITH must be lived. ( I feel like I have just written my first Sunday sermon).

Let us not be swayed by doomsdayers. If we are to live like tomorrow or today is the end of the world, we would cease to function as productive members of society. Why bother with the mundane when the end is near right? I say to you doomsdayers, BACK-OFF! It's bad enough that people are dealing with what seem an endless series of crises. Now, we have to worry about the freakin' end of the world.

Mortality is as natural as breathing. My Pilosopong Tasyo of a father once said, "Die today, Die tomorrow, Same DIE." (He meant was that it is all the same no matter how or when you die, we all die). If you are someone who has not been able to get acquainted with your own mortality then it is normal to panic and hyperventilate. Here's a paper bag... then slap yourself and tell yourself, "I should be ready for anything. I should prepare for everything."

So, with that not-so-avid-readers, I urge you to smack a doomsdayer when you talk to one. Tell them, if they are so wise, why are they preaching fearfulness rather than faithfulness.

Just for the heck of it, (Like a question in beauty pageants), What will you do when you know tomorrow the world ends?

(Note my answer is in accordance to beauty pageant guidelines.)

Dyanne answers: What will I do if I know that tomorrow the world ends? I am already prepared on what I am going to do should the world end tomorrow. (Again you should reiterate the question in the form of a declarative sentence).
I will make sure that my family and I are together. ( This will showcase my family values).
I will call all my friends and tell them how much they mean to me. Then I will sit in my "mistress of the universe" chair, smoke some weed(after all I have never had these in my entire life) and drink my triple distilled vodka until I pass out. Just before I pass out, I will utter a prayer, "Lord, forgive me for all my sins. I will see you on the other side."

(HOLD for APPLAUSE then BOW).

A Profound Discourse

2011-03-13T06:10:00.000-07:00

Let me share a very interesting discussion that occurred between a DOCTOR and a POLITICIAN about helping people and the society in general. It just may prove helpful and insightful to many of you on your existential questions, my not so-avid-readers.

DOC: masyado ba ako mabait?

POL: yup

DOC: wala ako magagawa

POL: that's ok doc, its good that you are mabait

DOC: che!

POL: che ka rin!

DOC: mas che ka!

POL: LOL (Laughing Out Loud)

DOC: LOL ka rin! (mistaking LOL as ULOL maybe or just trying to be real funny)

POL: MAS and PINAKA LOL ka hahahah

DOC: create new category: SUPER LOL.
IKAW TO!!!!!!
period
no erase!
ultimate lol na!
you!!!!!!

POL: HAHAHA you are so MATURE...

DOC: no, you're mature!!!

So I had to end there because it became a never-ending banter showcasing their unparalleled wit and intellect. And there you are readers, a very mature conversation I just had to share. This is actually how real people talk to each other...

Hope it made your day like it did mine... Tomorrow is going to be Monday and it is going to be a chore dragging ourselves out of bed. Have a productive Week Ahead!

SIMPLE VS. COMPLEX

2011-03-12T04:57:00.000-08:00

" I am a WOMAN, Hear me ROAR"- I recommend this mantra even just for this month.

In a pride, the lioness is the hunter not the lion. So, although it is still a man's world, with the emerging power and increasing significance of roles being played by women in society, I feel blessed that I was born a woman.

So, I have figuratively kicked my ass because I have found myself being limited by gender. I am a woman who has been taking on fully-grown men in various fields I have found myself. I have met role models and inspiring women who have helped me discover what I am made of... May it be in martial arts, government service or politics, I have realized that I am one tough cookie!

So, why do I found myself confounded on the reasons why I let someone render me dazed and confused. I have yet to be fatally wounded in this battle they call battle of wits, nay battle of sexes. I am a student of Sun Tzu.

Confused dear readers? Do not be. I am addressing this to all the men who ever thought that they can dismiss women without consequences. I am a woman hear me roar, @sshole! So dear sisters, all of us daughters of Eve, think of it this way. If someone has made you feel FINE= Fearful, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional, you should do what I do or tell this to them...

Hey MAN! You should be so lucky to have availed of some my attention even my consideration. I am unlike any woman you have encountered before because sweetie, I will literally render you incapacitated not emotionally or psychologically but physically. I will cut your b@lls without blinking.

(Was that too harsh for you?)

Sorry, I am just outraged every time, I hear girlfriends complaining about all the atrocities that their men, boyfriends or suitors or whatever they call it nowadays FUBUs, do to them. Listen ladies, have you ever watched the movies, "He is just NOT into YOU"? Pay attention, this movie can literally save you money from all kinds of therapy such as but not limited to psych therapy, shopping, bitching, mopping, drinking, and the ever famous binging.

Tell yourself this instead, do I need all this drama? Personally, I can say I do not need drama. My life like said is a series of comedy of errors. Come to think of it Comedies used to be tragic in the old days. So where does that lead us then?

This March, our month, we do not need to go around hold hands and sing Kumbaya. We do not need to gather and bitch about stupid men. Rather, we should take the time to assess ourselves. What are the destructive behavioral patterns we keep repeating. As the saying goes, "it is only a fool who expects different result after doing the same things over and over again."

So, here is my message to my girlfriends out there. Quit moping. Suck it up and learn and live this fact: "Men are simple. If they are into you, they will break all the rules and find ways to be with you."

There I said it, I will no longer owe you my dear girlfriends. From now on, I will start telling you what I think and know as true. I will no longer let you believe what you want to believe. I will never again sit silently and let you make excuses for the sleazebags that you are involved or you think you are involved with. This is my contribution to you. I pledge to be a good friend and tell you in your face if your guy is not interested in you or if he is Lo5er... (for quick discernment please refer to my post "Caution:Slippery Road Ahead" for more details)

Stop waiting for the calls/text messages or grand gestures that will never happen;) Believe me, I know... after all I am one of the boys so I know how these things work. Guys are simple. It is us women who have been crafted to be complicated and to make things complicated.

HAPPY WOMEN'S MONTH LADIES!

A letter to a dear Friend

2011-03-10T23:54:00.000-08:00

As I write this post, I am getting a few precious moments of rest and giving myself sometime to reflect. Hovering in my back is one of the members of my THREE KINGS: Nardo Tacdoro.

This guy is reading this as I am writing this post... talk about pressure eh?

Anyway, it seems to me that as I say hello to many new friends, I am saying goodbyes to some of my old cherished ones...I hope I don't live long enough to wake up one morning that all my friends have passed away before me. Thus, I am smoking so I get to die first (morbid but true!)

So, this guy hovering in my back is leaving for abroad. As much as I want to strap him to a post and tie a ball and chain around him, he is leaving for real this time! So, what do I do then? I say goodbye thru this post. A letter if you may to one of the most loyal people in fact the right words would be one of the very few loyal people I trust and LOVE:) Here's a letter you can read again and again nards if you ever feel lonely and you are so sick because of homesickness...

(note for the readers: I call my Three Kings by their feminine names: Narda, Ronela and Erwina)

Dearest NARDA,

I hope you will have a great stay there.. I pray that you will be enriched by your journey. I wish I can express how much your friendship means to me. I feel blessed that God gave me one of the most loyal, sincere, loving and hardworking people be one of my pillars last election and now, one of my dearest friends.

Realize that you have provided laughter, companionship and support during times I needed even without you realizing it. Your belief in me, all of you my 3 Kings, give me constant courage
to do what I know I must do.

Nards, when you are without us there during cold desert nights, your poker buddies, we will always leave place in the table for you. We will always be thinking of you and of course, missing you.

I hope you realized how much I admire your diligence and your entrepreneurship. I know in my heart you will be great not someday but someday soon. I will be here cheering you on, honored that I am your friend.

Never, forget that your smile and your distinct chuckle and laugh will ring in our ears here in HQ as we talk about the times we have shared with you. Team Tintin will laugh but our laughter will be incomplete because you will not be here laughing with us. So Nards, don't forget to smile and laugh. When things get rough, remember that we are here and if necessary, we will go to you. We will sell everything that Bong and Erwin (syempre kasama ako) own so one of us can come and get you... HAHAHA!

On this note, Nards remember your promise to be back before 2013 otherwise Team Tintin will not move an inch without you. We will not make any decision unless you are with us. Kaya kasalanan mo kung di ako magfile ng candidacy for any position!!! Our word is our bond. Our bond is our friendship and belief that together anything is possible!

Nards, my lil brother, I love you! We all love you! Know that we will all look out for Kim and Maricel:) Keep in touch otherwise there will be consequences! hehehe I am never too busy to hear from you. Stay cool and PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DO NOT work too HARD! You should always take care of yourself ok NARDA?!

Love,

Ate Dyne

All who know me, know that my friends are my most prized treasures. Distance is a B!tch when it comes to friendship. But like my father said, friendship is like flying a kite, distance or seeing the kite does not matter when as long as the string of friendship is strong and can withstand the strong winds, you know that you and the kite is connected. To all my friends, I send you my love across the miles...

Bittersweet

2011-03-05T01:12:00.000-08:00

"Our dead are never dead to us, until we have forgotten them."-George Eliot

Who knew that by starting again on this blog, I would be given so many inspirations to write about may they be good or bad? If you are one of my not-so-avid readers, you would notice that I have many posts on death. It seems to me that death and I have a love-hate, bittersweet relationship.

It goes without saying that Death has claimed so many precious people in my life. Yet he never leaves me without comfort or semblance of understanding of the richness of own mortality.

Today, 2 hours ago, I lost my Tatay Egay. One of the few people who gave me unconditional support and loyalty during one of the most important time in my life. Tatay Egay, without vested interest dedicated his time and stake his name along side mine. He was a simple,hard-working man with unfathomable love and kindness to his family and friends. I consider Tatay Edgardo Albeso my family. Before my campaign, he never participated in politics but he believed in me and for that I can never repay the dedication he has given me. People like Tatay Egay constantly reminds of why I am here and what is it that I must do. His life is marked by the many testimonials of his selfless acts of kindness towards anyone who ever knew him. I can only hope when it is my time, I can be consider along side the likes of Tatay Egay.

I used to hear that there are no permanent friends or enemies in politics. However, experience taught me that in this arena, that real friends shine! I have found such profound loyalty and support from family, friends and strangers who later becomes your kin, something I never thought possible. I have found people like me who believe in good governance not as a coin phrase or a bandwagon concept but an ideal that we all must aspire for in our life whatever our place in the society.

In this note, I want to say my last farewell to Manong Dervie Belican of Lantapan, Bukidnon. A kindred spirit who believes in whom I have met in 2007 congressional election. Manong Dervs is the big brother that I never had. I will never forget the things that he has taught me about people and about life. He has a love affair with life. He is full of energy and humor even in the grimmest of moments. Manong Dervie, his cooking skills when it comes to goat meat is incomparable. I do not eat goat meat until I have tasted Manong Dervs cooking. I will never forget you BIG BROTHER BEAR Dervie!

I want to say my piece on my beloved uncle who also passed away. Uncle Narciso Almirante Jr., whom I have the great honor of having been able to spend substantial amount of bonding before he passed away. I thank God I was able to be there in his last days and his last breath. I was given the gift of knowing really knowing his life as he shared them to me. I love you Uncle... I still find myself looking at the bench you always sat on as we talked about anything under the sun, and still imagine you clearly with your unapologetic grin and animated face. We were not only bonded by blood but by friendship, respect and love.

Uncle Onyok, Tatay Egay and Manong Dervie were proud and loving fathers and husbands. I know now that love for family is the most powerful force that can drive someone to build a good future of their children and their children's children.

I do not know how many more I will lose to Death before I am taken away myself. For now, grieving is difficult but I have faith in that wherever these great men are now, they have peace and eternal life. I bid you Tatay Egay, Uncle Onyok and Manong Dervie goodbye for now...

P.S.
I am no longer afraid of death, I have not been for a long time. Still, I hope I will have lived a full life and have served my existential purpose.

Of course, it cannot hurt to find at least one great love before I die... Come on? Don't say you did not expect that from me? Part of my grieving process is keeping my humor intact. I find myself continuously being jolted out of my mundane existence and ponder my own mortality. I can only imagine when I die and still be the butt of jokes in the afterlife because I died as a virgin spinster. I find this disturbing indeed...

preoccupation...TEENAGE DREAM

2011-03-04T05:30:00.000-08:00

Dear not-so-avid readers...I'M BACK! welcome to the new, hopefully more updated and improved JOUISSANCE.

This time last year, I was writing a send off post because I was already busy violating campaign election laws... Not really I was already going around trying to make a name for myself in the local politics of my hometown. Let's not talk about that for now. I have posts recollecting those fond memories. Right now, I want to go back to what I like doing best-blogging!

So here are my thought about some of the current events...BORING! I have a radio program that I can use for that particular "bitching" err I mean ranting...

Let us talk about PREOCCUPATIONS for now. Have anyone felt one time or another that our consciousness is nothing but a big void wherein preoccupations are fillers or things that we put in front of us to ignore the eerie feeling that we are in a limbo and we are alone? NO? Me too I don't know what I was talking about!

What do someone like me who has been used to the hustle and bustle of the Metro do to occupy my time in my now bucolic life? I have pretty much a full morning watching news over TV or researching for my radio program. I have meetings and let us not forget the standard activities of politicians the famous acronym KBL not the Kadios, Baboy Langka but Kasal, Binyag and Libing. Alas, those happy hours spent playing poker:)

I also thank GOD for internet and the social network that produced Billionaires younger than me... talk about us being under- achievers eh? While I was busy surviving my paper-pushing jobs these guys were already millionaires in their own rights...Nah! begone green monster... you have no place here because I was never meant to be wealthy!

I think this is the effect of not blogging for a long long time- I am having mental diarrhea!

Still, it occurred to me that I have been too busy occupying my time. I forget to stop, breathe and say to myself, "Dyanne, you have done enough". I think the greatly repressed over-achiever in me is clawing its way out saying I am running out of time... For what? To do what? One of the wisest person, my bestfriend's dad said, "Hinay-hinay ka lang. Maagang kang mapapagod n'yan." I know I have been running around and working like a maniac who has just snorted loads of methampthamine. So I have reevaluated my priorities... I will make more time for a new preoccupation...

A preoccupation I never had the luxury before because I was too preoccupied with other more important things such as education and learning. Now, I will delve into the realm of the pubescent romance... Now I will enjoy my teenage dream!

I adore Katy Perry for articulating something that many of us late bloomers find unable to express BUT I PUT SOME OF MY OWN TWIST so enjoy singing this in your head:

You think I'm pretty

Without any make-up on

You think I'm funny

When I punch some drunk guy out

I know you get me

So I'll let my walls come down, down

Before you met me

I was a wreck

But I was really heavy

You brought me to life

Now every February

I'll hire you my valentine, valentine

I. Let's go out and dine tonight

No regrets, just love

We can eat until we die

You and I

We'll be young forever

II. You make me

Feel like

I'm living a Teenage Dream

The way you turn me up

III. I can't sleep

Let’s runaway and

Have ribs at the back (2x)

IV. My heart stops

When you look at me

Just one smile

Now baby I believe

This is real

So take a chance

Or I'll punch you at the back

I'll punch you at the back

Let's drive to Cota

And buy crabs at the beach

A bottle of

Sprite, steamed rice are just good eats

I finally found you

My missing puzzle piece

I'm complete

Repeat I, II, III, IV

I get your heart racing

In these skin-tight jeans

Be your my teenage dream tonight

Repeat I, II, III, IV

Dare you put your hands on me

In my skin-tight jeans

Be your teenage dream tonight

Let you know I'll never fit

In my skin-tight jeans

Be your Teenage Dream tonight

Tonight, tonight, tonight, tonight, tonight, tonight

With that my not-so-avid readers, I will leave you hanging for my next post. Hopefully, I'll have a better written, more articulate and way funnier post by then...

Single, Fabulous and not-so-Anti-Valentine's Day anymore

2011-02-14T21:16:00.000-08:00

My mood for this year's Valentine's Day is quite the opposite of that of last year's V-Day. I am usually empowering my comrades in the harsh war of "being single" in this particular battle called Valentine's Day.

Every year seems more difficult than last year. Now that I am here in the province, I have found all the HULABALUHA about the Vday is a distant echo resonating only in my pre-conditioned mind that I have to do something about it!

So, I gave up the battle at least for this year. I brought myself a half gallon of ice cream and sat on my new chair which I call "mistress of the universe chair" and proceed to the main event of watching my classic favorite romantic comedy "When Harry Met Sally."

I relished the fact that I am single and alone on Valentine's Day because I came to a realization that I have given the Fates complete hand on this matter. Whatever happens, I know in my heart will be happy and everything will be A-OK:)

So, to my fabulous and not-so-fabulous girlfriends this valentines' day.. Think of it this way, not all of us are meant to paired up, get married and have children. If we should be so lucky then by God do a good job, but if we are meant for something else... Then WE SHOULD DO A GREATER JOB because our mission is just as great!

I know how it is to be single hell, I have made it my mission here to provide you all the insights in single-hood. Sometimes, it is best to leave things the way they are... in the famous fatalistic punchline of Filipinos, "BAHALA NA." With that in mind, let us occupy our time with more productive things we can do for ourselves and others. I am proud to say that in this exclusive holiday, I am proud to be SINGLE and FABULOUS. I sincerely wish that all our coupled counterparts are just as happy and proud in their civil status right now... Happy Valentine's Day Y'all!

Fairytales and monsters: a story of a humble and simple princess

2010-12-19T03:29:00.000-08:00

DISCLAIMER: All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

"Once a upon a time, in a far far away land lived a princess. She is a self-declared humble and simple princess. She tells people she lived a hard life before she became a princess. She dreamed of devoting her life to GOD. But like many fairy tales, the princess met her prince charming. So she got married and devoted her life to other pursuits.

Then the day came when the princess became a Queen. As a queen, she is beloved by her people. She was an intelligent ruler and she ruled her kingdom fair and just. The Queen never forgets to remind her people that they must live a virtuous life. She always call on her ministers and tell them that they must be humble and rule with her virtuously. And they all lived happily ever-after. So the reign of the Queen was an era celebrated by her people."

If you know me, you know this is not the end of this fairytale. Let me tell you a story within this "FAIRYTALE".

"They did not all lived happily ever after. Her ministers were not virtuous. The Queen is not the kind and just monarch she claimed to be. In the twilight of her reign, the Queen revealed her true self. She was an insecure, ugly child never changed the way she perceived herself. She was vindictive as she was a master of deceit.

One day, a young new minister came to serve the queen believing the hype that she was a great queen. The young minister hoped to learn much from the Queen. It was his dream to serve the Queen with all his heart.

It started all oh-so well. But the starry-eyed minister soon enough learned the sad state of the kingdom. So, he worked hard to make things better. But the change, was not appreciated by the pretentious, insecure queen. Things started to happen. She believes that the minister is out to get her. So she does what she is good at, she spread lies and rumors against the minister.

The queen could not get rid of the minister right away because her image will be tarnished. The minister has been performing well. It would stir intrigue if she rid of him quickly. She knew that like those before him, she can get rid of this minister without a whiff of bad odor be associated with her. In the end, she got rid of the pesky minister and lived happily ever after, after all."

As history has taught us, rulers, monarchs or leaders come and go. What they leave behind and how they are judged by history is important. Even Winston Churchill learned the hard way that people can always changed their minds regardless of what symbol or legend you stand for. As this queen is not careful, she will drive the minister into a corner. A cornered dog is the one that is vicious and will attack regardless of consequences.

I beg to differ the saying, the money or power corrupts. The love of money or power corrupts. It is not the circumstances. I think some people should listen to MJ's "Man in the Mirror" often. Maybe they can derive some sort of wisdom they think they already have. This world is littered with so many pretentious deceitful people. What I loathe the most are self-righteous people who try to shove virtues down your throat. By the way, for the record, humility is an overrated concept.

A politician, er I mean a queen preaching about SIMPLICITY and HUMILITY is not just ironic IT IS PATHETIC! I find it hilarious that some people would dare to label themselves humble and simple. ARE YOU F*CKIN' kidding me? Politics is not simple. So if one proclaims the desire for a simple life, one should realize that political life is not a simple life. KNOCK KNOCK... anyone there?

By the way, please read the disclaimer I put above here. If you feel that anyone resembles any of the character or the object of my rantings, this is purely coincidental. I have taken considerable dramatic license in making commentaries on MY characters. BATO BATO SA LANGIT ANG TAMAAN WAG MAGALIT!

I am a blogger first before I took on my new job. So if I draw inspiration from what I see, hear or feel from my day-to day or even my surreal imaginary experiences, well it is for me to use and for you to endure if you are reading them dear not-so-avid-readers.

Merry Christmas Y'all! I missed this site! I missed you all!

PS: I hope to write as many post as I can during the holidays. Hope you enjoyed my first post this season.

Season of Thanksgiving and Forgiveness

2010-12-19T03:13:00.000-08:00

Dear-not-so-avid-readers, I have neglected this site for far too long. I will try to make it up in this coming year. I have so many things to be thankful for this year. I consider this a landmark year. I turned 30, the dreaded age for many women. Yet I see this as a beginning of what has been a very interesting journey so far. I have learned so much more things about people in the past year than in the last 10 years.

I have been having a difficult struggle in trying to balance the politician in me and the tendency to rip the face off of those who did me wrong. For those of you who knows me well, you know that underneath the jovial and oh-so-funny persona is a leashed pitbull-like temper. It takes a lot of cigarettes smoking to push down the rage I feel for so many things I have learned this year.

I may not look it but my friends know the passion I possess when it comes to my calling is unapologetic. Thus, I have yet to learn not to take things personally. I still take things even in my work personally because I feel strongly about it.

So, I will not write letters to Santa in this post. I will utter a prayer though because after all this is a season of thanksgiving and forgiveness... Forgive them Father for they do not know what they are doing... Forgive me Father for oftentimes, I have no idea what I am doing;) Thank you for the wonderful year! See y'all next year.

Fiction or Fact

2010-07-22T02:10:00.000-07:00

Hello to all-my-not-so avid readers!

It has been a long 6 months of hiatus from this page. I know, I know I usually give you the bullsh!t about my being busy or pre-occupied and all that jazz... It's true I have been through a whirlwind courtship with the object of my desire- My Ambition.

I would like to share a funny comment I recently received from a dear dear friend-Ays. Ays told me that "the poorest cono is now a councilor". I have to explain this statement. Poorest Coño is a comic characted inspired by a JP Tan. However, it has evolved so much for the last three years. Poorest Coño has become my alter-ego in my college barkada. However, I have to declare this here now, I am not the poorest coño. She is a fictional character brought to life by my own life which is a series of comedy of errors...

It is funny how the poorest coño became a voice in my head speaking in her own voice expressing a very varied reactions to many situations I find myself in... Alas poorest coño, someday I will make you relevant.

OH when will I have the time to regale you out with the adventures of the poorest coño, I will never know.

STARTING RIGHT!

2010-01-05T23:00:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year to all my not-so-avid readers! I have been missing for quite awhile now. I know I owe you all an extensive explanation of my absence. So here goes... I have decided to make to finally delve into POLITICS. I am now an aspiring candidate for a local post in my hometown. I have been silent for months now because I was busy in all the preparations and activities of re-introducing myself to the place where I grew up in the first place.

I will have a hard time maintaining this blog because of my campaign. Let me tell you this though, I am in this for real. I am literally putting my money where my mouth is. I have used my acid wit and my sharp tongue in expressing my opinions hoping that I am making a slight bit of difference. I have finally crossed the threshold. I am on the point of no return. I am here to advocate my own brand of politics in the hope of offering my kababayans progressive politics.

I am not a politician. I was a civil servant who now aspires to be a public servant. Therefore, "IF WE HAVE TO START, WE HAVE TO START RIGHT!" This is my shoutout as I introduce myself to my prospective constituents. I am not a politician. Therefore, I offer no promises most politicians do. I will not offer the sun, moon or stars just so I can get elected. So far, I have only told them of my qualifications and what I can do. Please pray for me my dear friends. I am here to prove cynics and pessimists alike that people in politics can really make a difference. Breaking old ways or traditions can prove exciting, difficult, disheartening but oftentimes rewarding... This is the reason I have decided to keep my politics away from this site. Personal expression and tantrums have no place in what I am about to enter at least not yet... I have to keep my wit, and even most of my intellect at bay for now... I do not want to use this site as a venue for self-promotion contrary to its real purpose of uncensored self-expression.

I am now temporarily bidding all of you a brief goodbye. I will try to keep this site alive thru my newly added widget from TWITTER. I am afraid, you will be reading less of my narratives and rantings until May. I promise to keep you posted on this new journey I have taken on thru my twitter and maybe once in awhile a surprise post right here.

I sincerely wish you all a HOPEFUL NEW YEAR. Let us all be hopeful this 2010! Let us be instruments of hope to our family, friends and neighbors. With all the problems that plagued us in 2008 and 2009, let us look towards 2010 with HOPE! Now, I sound like Obama (chuckling).

Again, I apologize for not neglecting this site. I have been kicking myself for not being able to talk about all the exciting stuff that happened before 2009 ended. Let me just say that 2009 is a telltale sign of what 2010 can be. I know I sound like I'm on E but this is just adrenaline and fresh air talking. I do not have a new year's resolution. Making promises even to oneself is to damn tiring and frustrating so why bother? To accomplish something all we have to do is do it!

Then sing, young hearts that are full of cheer, with never a thought of sorrow; the old goes out, but the glad young year comes merrily in tomorrow.
 -- Emily Miller

PIMPLOMACY: the art of pompous whoring in guise of diplomacy

2009-07-28T01:38:00.001-07:00

GMA's finally made contact... with OBAMA... Agenda? WTF?!

HOUSTON! WE HAVE LANDED! Hail to our Commander-in-Chief who has finally made contact with the elusive US PRESIDENT after a series of humiliating attempts to seek audience with the celebrity-head of state.

The Agenda of this most anticipated meeting? WTF?! TERRORISM AND WHAT? Nuclear non-proliferation?! Here's the excerpt from the 2009 SONA:

" I have accepted the invitation of President Obama to be the first Southeast Asian leader to meet him at the White House, this week….
That he sought us the Philippines testifies to our strong and deep ties….

High on our agenda will be peace and security issues. Terrorism: how to meet it, how to end it, how to address its roots in injustice and prejudice—and most and always how to protect lives….
We will also discuss nuclear non-proliferation. The Philippines will chair the review of the nuclear weapons non-proliferation Treaty in New York in May 2010. The success of the talks will be a major diplomatic achievement for us…."

PARDON MY FRENCH! SACRE-BLUE! La merde de chien! BALIVERNE!

The afterthoughts of the meeting are the following global recession, territorial sovereignty, poverty, etc., etc...

This is what they call ANTI-CLIMACTIC. No, I think they call this "coitus interruptus". All those times allotted for foreplay and then suddenly a limp dick called... NUCLEAR NON-PROLIFERATION?

Are you kidding me? Why do we need to chair the review of this treaty? WHY this is all bullshit?! 5 reasons... 1) Non-proliferation Treaty is relevant only to those who have the nuclear capability; 2) Philippines which I like to call a "whore in diplomacy or a prostituée diplomatique" has ascribed to every conceivable godd@mn treaty or agreement shoved in its face by the international community; 3) Save the old USSR, US is the largest country with nuclear stockpile and it still developing nuclear weapons and counting... It is hypocritical to use this wimpy country known as the Philippines to justify to other countries that nuclear non-proliferation is the WAY, TRUTH and LIFE; 4) US is using this whole review of non-proliferation treaty to seek justification in disarming other countries; 5) We will incur the wrath of North Korea our friendly neighborhood rogue state. It can just as easily start i its nuclear testing on us.

I have read the whole transcript of the SONA 2009. I will reserve my comments for now. I promise that you will see more excerpts from this speech more in my future posts. I can't help it but I like quoting quotable quotes. SONA 2009 contains all the bullshit I need to last me a whole year in my quoting requirements.

Back to Barack and Gloria. I resent the way Cabinet members exaggerate the fact that GMA is the first Southeast Asian President to win the lottery which prize is an audience with the celebrity-head of state... Oooh Ahhh I am so impressed! D@mn it! An honour a great honour I tell you?! These airheads are oblivious to the fact that their president is among those referred as in Obama's inaugurations speech "...who cling to power through corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent, know that you are on the wrong side of history". However, I am first to say we should not forget the second part of that statement "but that we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist."

GMA has not only unclenched her fists, she has chased Obama around like a puppy seeking its master's attention. I have recently learned of this particular web or chat acronym- LMAO!

Come on! Terrorism? Terrorism in the Philippines? Don't you mean militarism? Abu-Sayaf is a real entity like the tooth fairy. Insurgency is not terrorism. These small band of bandits need not be extended the courtesy of peace talks or negotiations, the government extends to real entities like the MILF and NPA. If this administration only had the inkling of courage and sincerity the Estrada Administration, these Abu Sayaf would have long fled or vanished in Sulu.

I am from Cotabato City. That's right, we have had a most tragic event recently. I will say unto you my not so-avid readers. Since fourth grade our city has come across numerous bomb threats at the height of the GRP-MNLF peace process. No bombs has caused such utter horror as the one that went off last July 5. Planted bombs in this city do not go off injuring or killing random targets. This act of terrorism is quite a novelty to a conflict-ridden place like ours. Let's just say, there are orders to things in our City. This one is so random and ruthless, Cotabateños know better than to believe the BullSh!t dished out by the national government. CHOOCHOO... ChaCha express...CHOO CHOO... martial law perhaps?

Just because we appear uncivilized to the eyes of the rests of the country does not mean we are dispensable!!! The last thing we need is a power hungry administration dousing gasoline on an already kindling fire of conflict. Back off B!TCH!! Do your jobs @ssholes!

Let me just make my point. Diplomacy is a lofty ideal or concept. In real life, as much as it pains me to say this, someone has to say it anyway. GMA's trip to NYC is not a diplomatic achievement. It is an achievement in PIMPLOMACY. Pimplomacy is a term I coined to refer to "whoring" in diplomatic setting.

Nuclear non-proliferation? What is our business talking about non-proliferation treaty much less review the d@mn thing. If it were issue of immigration and migrant labor or something more relevant to the increasing number of starving Filipinos, then maybe we will be inclined to think otherwise. American Dream is nothing more than a propaganda perpetuated by a country that championed consumerism, marketing or advertising. It is actually rather adept in marketing itself don't you think so? But you know what is more tragic? Superman maybe stupid for wearing his underwear over his tights. But Batman had to wear a belt to emphasize his underwear over his leotards. In this case, little brown men/women who speak with shitty American accent who discriminate against their own kind in a foreign land they claim as their own. What is more pathetic than this? Little brown men/women bleaching themselves, getting nose jobs, who speaks with more shitty accent that sound like a belabored and strangled version of the American accent. When will we learn? I can only guess... NEVER.

When they say the imitation is the highest form of flattery, those who said it did not know about Filipinos. Pimplomacy! Learn it. Live it! You might want to get into foreign service one day. You have to know how to pimp your country so make sure you PIMP it WELL! We have been doing a pretty good job all these years. Why spoil the fun and the humiliation?

PATIENCE is not a virtue after all....

2009-07-05T18:53:00.000-07:00

I have wanted to write a very entertaining blog about my weekend. I wanted to describe my sister's graduation and the fine dining experience I had in Antonio's in Tagaytay. But I have to set that aside dear not-so-avid readers. I am taking this opportunity to express my OUTRAGE, m simmering resentment, my BOILING ANGER over those cowards who bombed the Immaculate Concepcion Cathedral in Cotabato City.

This violent incident as many of my fellow Cotabateños would tell you is not the first and certainly would not be the last in our "fair city". Let me tell you something readers, Cotabateños are the most tolerant, most patient people you would encounter in your life. We have a profound patience and tolerance for lawlessness, for violence, for drug use and abuse, for cocky SOBs-power- horndogs. We have been at the receiving end of all the abuse/neglect/apathy of this government and dare I say, yes even the media.

This is my blog and I stand by what I am going to say in this post.

This is the time when patience and tolerance is uncalled for and action is required... What to do? How will I know? This is like me answering the age old question of what came first the chicken or the egg?

Nationalism and ordering fast food

2009-06-12T07:54:00.000-07:00

I have been learning a great deal about the importance of roots and genealogy. I apologize dear readers for I have been neglectful of my duties as a blogger. It seems that the month of May is not lucky for me at all. Last year my grandmother died on this month. Last month, my favorite uncle, my Uncle Onyok died and was buried the day after my birthday. Enough about my tragedies. I have written too many posts on death already. I will find the right time to write a post to honor my uncle later on.

It is a holiday today, well tonight to be exact. It is Independence Day after all. I just want to make some observations about this holiday. No one seems to give a d@mn. Puhh-lease spare me from the diatribes of self-proclaimed patriots. I am so fed-up with the lip-service, the verbal pronouncements of their nationalism. Clearly, we have lost our way. I have to admit I am too guilty of this apathy and selfishness.

My "Asa" or great grandfather would roll over his grave if he knew I have spent my day in the mall without sparing a moment's pause to honor him and those of his generation who fought for the liberty I am taking for granted today. It is just that we honor him and all our ancestors who fought for a country we call our own with a hint of disdain, a pinch of apathy, a dash of shame and loads of disappointment.

I still remember stories about my "asa". Papa told me that asa held a huge grudge on friars. Even in his old age, he can still the muster fury against them by throwing stones at them. Too bad, asa would not recognize that the priests he stoned were not the same friars he hated. Asa was a soldier in the Revolution. He was a patriot more than a religious man. He burns with nationalism unlike anything I have ever heard. Asa did not pray. When he went to sleep, he recites the "Mi Ultimo Adios". I was told that as tough a man he was, his tears would roll down his cheeks before he can finish the whole thing.

History books were not able to record all the Filipinos, the first real Filipinos who fought hard for self-determination. I still believe that nameless as they are now, we owe it to them to honor them on this particular day. I ask you now my few not-so-avid reader to pause and thank those who fought and died for a country most of us are not really proud of especially nowadays.

* * *

I have to admit my sense of pride has been bolstered by the rising enthusiasm by those younger than I am for the upcoming elections. I think they have the opportunity that my generation wasted the same opportunity when it was our time to shine in 2004. I wish these young people courage and vigilance. It has been a long grueling 6 years. Everybody seems eager to have someone new to replace that "le petite bitch" in Malacañang. Pardon my French.

So as to prove that my own nationalism has not been waned, I have pledged to support and campaign for a worthy leader. Who it will be I am still undecided honestly. I will be volunteering from campaigning to poll watching. However, I have to admit this coming election has great selection of potential Prez wannabes.

So, I am using the elimination or fast food ordering process. The first people I have eliminated from my list are Noli De Castro, Loren Legarda and that Defense-secretary-PGMA-minion what's his name. Legarda is the personification of "TURNCOATISM". COME ON PEOPLE! De Castro? Are you Sh!tt'n me?

Since Lacson has left the race, I can also scratch him off my list also. Bayani Fernando has strong political will I can see that and Gordon has the brains. Villar lacks charisma and I have yet to hear him speak or participate in presidential debate. I have yet to be wowed by this self-proclaim self-made man. I'll hold my judgement for awhile. Mar Roxas is still in my list but I am not sure yet of what to think of this guy. I have only seen his pre-need showboating. I am wary of his "showbiz/political" engagement to Ms Sanchez.

Erap surprised me greatly during the last ANC forum in UP. He was brilliantly funny but he was not without substance. Only then I realized the charisma of this former president. However, there is such a thing as political momentum. We'll see. Binay like Fernando is a great administrator. If you ask me, we should pick our presidents not from legislators but from those implementors- governors and mayors. Their abilities to run their LGU is a reflection of their capacity to be great presidents. Legislators should do what they are good at legislate laws. Sadly, this is not how we do things in this country. A seat in a national office or a nationwide fame is a requirement. Our voting preference is anchored on name recall.

Alas, the little brown brother of Uncle Sam always has to follow the lead or imitate Uncle Sam. Chiz Escudero is the Filipino version of Obama. But honestly, I think political experience is highly over-rated. The longer you have been in politics is directly proportional to the degree of your immersion in the system. So, let why not give this young, smart-a55 senator a chance. I am have to admit he has the charisma and charm. Decision-making ability is another matter to consider.

I bid you good morning my dear not-so-avid-readers. I would like you to think of the most important criterion of all before you decide. Who holds the most fervor for his country? Who will be the one who will likely put his country above his family above the "church"? Ethics and morality are mere lipservice in the game called politics. Who will have the guts to advocate reproductive health and population control? I will bet you the last cents in my savings not one of them is beyond reproach when it comes to corruption. All I am asking for is someone who has the delicadeza to keep or minimize his/her indiscretion/corrupt practices. I want someone who will give us the perception/belief or even hope that political leaders give a d@mn after all.

VOTE FOR MANNY PACQUIAO! (Just kidding... I am not a fan so I can be irreverent. Sorry.)

We are FUNNY

2009-05-03T01:50:00.000-07:00

When the tough gets going people like me laugh... What a whirlwind weekend it has been for me. I celebrated my birthday and I buried my favorite uncle- Uncle Onyok.

I did not think I have the energy to write a post but right now I am stuck in the airport with nothing to do. I have to one to talk to here so I decided to write this post.

Sometimes life's really funny and sad. It can be mean, cruel and just. As I got ready to leave my second hometown Tulunan, North Cotabato. People were buzzing about the military hasty appearance. Then the news broke around 11 am this morning that the military were duking it out with the rebels in the Tulunan highlands. My family hurriedly packed out things as we finished out lunch. My father and I left first for Davao City to catch my flight and the rest of my family left for Cotabato City. So I thought...

When I checked in my baggage I was informed that my flight was delayed. I went to the departure area to find the smoking section only to realize that the good ole employees of PAL closed the area because of the PACQUIAO-HATTON fight. Everyone in the airport was huddle around the televisions of kiosks to watch the anti-climactic fight between the fighter from the singing country (UK) and fighter from the country of videoke singers (Phils).

I realized it was already a re-run but people did not seem to care. So I like a good Filipino that I was I joined the avid boxing audience in one of the airport cafes. After the short two rounds everyone in the airport gave a unison yelp of victory. Then I remember I was supposed to call my my mother to inform her that I am already in the airport awaiting my flight.

To my surprise, my family has not left Tulunan because they stayed to watch the boxing match. Alas, I find it incredulous that even with the distant sounds of cannons and guns, people are more interested watching Pacquiao fight.

So here I am now, unintentionally eavesdropping to amateur boxing analyst wannabes goshin over how great Manny Pacquiao is. I know I should be outraged but all I can muster right now is the energy to laugh.

Whether I like Manny Pacquiao or not can be tackled in another post. Right now, I have to give this guy a credit for his ability to provide people an escape from their own miserable lives. I cannot help but be amazed. I am not sure still if I should credit Pacquiao for this phenomenon or I should give the credit to my kababayans instead. Whether this national pride is as profound as paying one's taxes honestly or as superficial as disobeying traffic laws I do not know.

Filipinos are funny that way. Our sense of national pride is deeply rooted in validating ourselves in the eyes of the international community. We are so quick to stake our claim on the victories on the battles we did not fight. We are funny because the battles that need to be won are neglected and ignored.

We are funny because our poverty strengthens our sense of humor.

We are funny because graft and corruption makes us meek, numb and indifferent.

We are funny because we do not care about self-ingratiating politicians rejoicing over the money they won betting on their prized pup.

We are funny becausewe invest so much energy on this guy. We have placed so much of our pride in him. We forgot our hard-earned money were used to place bets to Vegas bookies rather than our children's classrooms and books.

We are funny because we choose to be funny. We choose to oblivious and we choose to have selective outrage on varying issues.

We are funny because we choose to be the way we are...

Not a Foolish Day

2009-04-01T14:02:00.000-07:00

In these unfortunate times, it’s good to have a day when a bit of chaotic fun is allowed. Although we Filipinos have been going through troubled times since we can remember. Many people will think it inappropriate to be messing about in a time of global crisis. Says who? I think people should lay-off on all the seriousness and give-in to some dose of sense of humor. I think it is funny to play tricks on April Fool's Day.

I mean come on, naughty does as naughty does. If we are able to allot an exclusive day for those who are “in love” why should we so be discriminating to those who have fabulous sense of humour, the mischievous- the practical jokers. If we can dedicate a month to celebrate women's rights and euquality, why can we not relish on one single day where in people can make other people believe an alternate version of truth even reality.

Conrado De Quiros wrote a brilliantly hilarious article dated today wherein he declared that, "That good authority comes from this day of days, April 1. I’ve always wondered why it’s called April Fools’ Day. It is the only wise day in the whole year. It is the only sane day in the whole year."

I subscribe to the whole April Fool's Day of course. But I pull my pranks sparingly because it is crucial that I establish the credibility for my jokes. This year, admittedly, I chose a pretty weak victim. But d@mn it feels good. I needed to pull a prank before the noon expires.

I did not have much preparation that is my excuse. Maybe I can carry out a bigger hoax next year, it will depend on my inspiration and preparation. I should remember to note of the date. I must be well-aware that it is March 31 already and the next day is the day of reckoning.

I have to admit I was distracted today in the face of a possible termination from my job. So to pull off a prank despite the circumstances, I know I have fully honoured this day as it should be celebrated. You see my dear readers, oftentimes, with all the insanity going on in our lives, sense of humour is a salving cream to ease those burning or throbbing pains or just maybe the itchy irritations we encounter as we brave our miserable existence.

So, to those who do not have the required sense of humour, you can choose to stay out of harm’s way or enjoy the moment. I would like to prescribe to you a dose of an antidote for this day , it is called tolerance. I enjoy taking a few helpings or dosages of this antidote during Valentine’s Day myself. I highly recommend it. To my fellow tricksters, please note that one person’s joke might be a cruel gibe to another. If you are doubtful that you can overcome this challenge, I caution you to reconsider and not go through your prank or joke.

Happy April Fool’s Day y’all!

All About Eve: for women's month

2009-03-25T01:13:00.000-07:00

"Machismo is an antiquated Filipino male culture that deludes men into
thinking that most women find cavemen mentality and behaviour attractive."

- Dyanne Sideño, a self-confessed moderate feminist

Better late than never, I want to acknowledge my fellow sisters, all daughters of Eve on this glorious Women's month. I also want to take this time to lament on how we Filipinas have fallen short of our responsibilities in upholding our rights and privileges. I pose a challenge to all of us Filipinas- "We still have a lot of work to do!"

I want to dedicate this post to all of the victims of violence against women. I say unto those of you who have fallen prey of Machismo and Violence, "Rage! rage against the dying light!"

I am no stranger to rape and sexual harrassment. I confess that I myself have not experienced these terrible horrible things. I have cried and fought along friends and loved ones who have fallen victims to these crimes. I am carrying a murderous grudge for all molesters, rapist and harassers. I think they deserve a place in hell alongside Hitler, Stalin and Judas.

Like this scorching month of March, women should take time to figuratively torch perverts by exposing them like those who came before them who burned strong women at the stakes by charging them with witchcraft. I am a moderate feminist, a feminist all the same. But I do not believe in the war of the sexes has been won. Battles are still being fought everyday in our schools, workplaces, MRT stations and even in churches(?) We should take this time to honor those who fought for the rights and privileges we enjoy as modern women. We can honor their lives by honoring ours and those of our fellow women.

I am infuriated with this Nicole character who we have celebrated for her "courage". I am vexed with the fact that Nicole the rape victim is nothing more than a lying Mhore! She is a vvhore after all because she sold out the not only her credibility but those future Filipino rape victims. I say future because rape will not go out of trend anytime soon. If I have the chance, I would slap her so hard all the other VVhores like her will feel it. I would hit her jaw with my fist, it will make her ancestors dizzy. I'll wring her neck with force, she will get sneak preview of St. Peter himself and the pearly gates. Of course, I cannot do these because I do not believe in violence. Maybe I can challenge her in a duel in a boxing ring perhaps. Alas, my own pacifism defeats these homicidal urges.

Believe me it feels great to have these abusive men reduced to tears! However, you have to realize remorse is hard to come. Fear and intimidation on the other hand, are very articulate and convincing languages.

It might seem to you that I am one angry b!tch right? Wrong! I am not angry?! I am stark raving mad! I am father’s daughter after all. I grew up knowing what a good loving man is. My mother is one tough woman. While Mama taught me the value of independence, Papa encouraged free thinking and open-mindedness. Thus, now that I am a grown woman, I have learned to fiercely guard my individuality and defend my rights and privileges.

Then again, I could very well be the gift of God to my former chauvinistic father. Only when he changed his ways that the Almighty granted him the gift of a Son. Until now, he endures even enjoys the burden of raising strong-willed daughters.Let this serve as a warning to you all chauvinistic men. Abusive men you better start praying. God knows what kind of daughters you will raise...

Dear sisters, if you haven't learned self-defense before like I did. You should take martial art lessons . Take it from me, it pays to know how to break an assailant’s nose, render him unconscious, or crush his fingers or even better eliminate all his possibilities of procreating. Now, if only I can goad myself to WANT to learn how use a gun… I am against violence but I am an advocate of self-preservation. Self-preservation does not only mean mere survival but defending or guarding everything that makes you whole as a human being.

Salud to all the strong and courageous women in my life and others like them in this world. Hats off to all the feminists and women's group! Girl power lives on!

Thank you Susan B. Anthony, Sister Mary John Mananzan, Diana Prince (Wonderwoman) and Darna!

PS.

I want to give tribute to two very strong-willed women (Fritz and Tanya) I know who have greatly influenced me as I struggle to find my place in this world. You are the real Darnas!

Why So Serious?

2009-02-13T06:19:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentine's Day my not-so-avid readers! I am in my favorite coffee or should I say chocolate shop right now writing my Valentine post. I just finished a tarot card reading session because the Xocolat Katipunan is holding a promo of tarot card reading sponsored by Mysterium Magazine. The event is called "Pre-Valentine Card Readings for Love". Hold your breath, contrary to what your thinking, I did not have my a card reading for love. I opted to have my fortune read instead.

I find it amusing now that I have even thought of having a fortune read. But for the heck of it, I did. My tarot card reader can no way be mistaken as a Madam Auring. He is a not bad looking , stocky guy wearing a very bright red long-sleeves shirt. By the way, he seems to have this fascination with Batman because every time he wants to explain something profound to me he used allusions to Batman and the other characters in the movie.

I want to share to you what was revealed by my Batman-loving tarot reader. He read the first three cards that I drew and he asked me "Why so Serious?" I was dumbstruck and uttered something very clever, "HUH?" It seems that my dear readers, I have been too serious lately. Mr. Rob told me that although I have to huge obstacle in my path I should not be so serious about it. OK then, I just have to find it in myself to laugh at my problems. It used to be easier. It occurred to me that my life after all is a larger and long production comedy of errors. It is a wealthy source of embarrassing but funny stories.

Anyway, Tarot guy finally understood why I chose to have my fortune read rather than my love life as he read the last set of cards. I am too preoccupied with my problems to bother with my non-existent love life anyway. Right now, I have a bigger problem than not having a date. I am losing my prized sense of humour!

This is grave indeed. I might have to resort to drastic but fun method. of getting my sense of humour back. I heard weeds can cure this. D@mn! I wish I am back home right now. MJs ( i.e. referring to maryjane shoes..ehem) are pretty affordable and accessible. What am I saying?! I am just kidding dear readers or am I?

So, I pledge from now on, I will try to be flippant, I mean happy-go-lucky again. I will try to stay away from weeds though. I might test positive in our office mandatory drug testing and get fired. Then, I will really lose my funny bone. Also, I do wish all the love-struck and in love people a very Happy and Funny Valentine's Day!

New Year's Post: A TRILOGY

2009-01-02T03:30:00.000-08:00

Warning: Hazardous to One's Mental Health

I read in the Philippine Daily Inquirer last January 2 that new years resolutions cause harm rather benefits to people. Alas, my silently held belief has been justified by an article in a national broadsheet. THANK YOU PDI! I hate new year's resolutions. I end up bungling most if not all the resolutions I set out to do anyway. So I appeal to you stop declaring your resolutions if you do resolve to do something about yourself this year particularly on your physical imperfections, spare me and your other friends the agony of having to listen to it.

I want to address the issue of weight loss in this post. Many of us overweight people even the skinny bitches always feel the need to proclaim their plans to lose weight in the new year. I have enough problems myself just getting into my size 36 jeans and my size 20 clothes. Those who can fit into size 12 and below, try to be more sensible and spare us the obese your whinings. All of us think the same thing, "I WISH I HAVE YOUR PROBLEM!"

~0~0~0~
POWER OF ODDITY

I want to begin this year's post on a positive note though. I pray that even with the looming financial crisis, you my not-so-avid readers will have a great 2009. I have to say that 2008 was not really a great year for me. I believe in the powers of ODD numbers, thus I don't need the likes of that disgusting pervert Madam Auring to tell me what this year will bring. Odd numbers and odd people hold a special place in my heart. Madam Auring does not count.

~0~0~0~
Fortune/Future Telling Time

I am racking my brains right now trying to find good songs that I can sing for the wedding of two special friends from college. They will be getting married on January 24 and I have been researching. Congratulations to RON and RHEA!

Anyway, while searching for a good song, a small light bulb flashed in my head. I was reminded of a depressing realization... I have less than 4 months to try outwit my fate. Ok let me share a very grim prophecy given about me by a clairvoyant friend 5 years ago. I am sharing this now because I need all the help I can get.

The prophesy goes this way "You should believe that you will end up a spinster unless until after you are 28 and you still have no boyfriend." Of course, I have abbreviated it and made my own interpretation of that prophesy. It goes this way"must have a boyfriend before i turn 29". So while I'm still 28 HOPE lives on right? Then again, I could have messed this up and the deadline has already passed. Uh-oh...

On that note, I end this post with some HOPE still. Besides, my hope does not rest on my having a lovelife, fling or romance. I HOPE for great things like Prosperity, MONEY, career, Abundance, MONEY, good health, Wealth, and MONEY. Seriously though, I am neither prayerful nor faithful and I have always tried to avoid putting in religious over or under or any other kind of tones in my posts. I guess it would not hurt to start the year right, ne'st pas? So bear with me as I end with a short prayer.

Dear God in Heaven,
Guide this misguided being who always conveniently forgets
Who really is in charge.

Forgive my irreverence (sometimes) to authority/public figures
My impatience for stupidity,
My arrogance towards those who are lesser than me
My distrust and my whining,

Forgive my razor-sharp tongue whose ability
To cut people down astounds even myself.
Forgive my flippant excuses for committing
all the wrong and hurtful things to You
and your other lovely creatures/creations.
Forgive me for believing still
Even as I am uttering this prayer that
I am just being what You have made me to be.

I thank you for all the trials.
I know and believe that everything has its reason/s.
I thank you Lord for the gift- my sense of humor.
Thank you for nurturing it,
By showing me always how funny things really are around me.

I ask that you will continue to watch over me and my family.
Please bless all my not-so-avid readers who have inspired me
To vigilantly improve my writing skills.
Also may they always find time to read my posts.
Bless this wretched country, Lord.
May Filipinos realize that progress
Need not come from their so-called leaders
But from themselves.

ALL this I ask (for now)
In your Holy Name Jesus.
AMEN.

Life's a bitch

2008-12-03T22:28:00.000-08:00

I have a fight to pick with lady luck... You bitch... When I think about it, you have had a hand on how miserable this year has been for me. I thought unlucky days are normal but D@MN if I have had too many unlucky days in month. COME ON! What did I do?!

Some of my friends would tell me that I have nothing to really complain about in life. I beg to differ mon amies. I am not really complaining. I don't complain. I bitch about it! Of course, I can never outshine the reigning queen/king of Bitchhood-my friend, my brother several genes removed- JP. Yes JP don't even try to deny this. After all, I am have often been at the receiving end of all this bitchiness! But this post is not about you. This is my post. Damn is I don't miss my sister Johanne because I can bitch about the weather, traffic and just about everything in my life. Usually, she listens in amusement or irritation. Sometimes she jovially joins my tirade or she just dismiss it and tells me, "bitch

Whenever my mother hears me bitch around usually this rarely happens... She tells me, "Ga, galaon ka na gid." Translation? She means, I am slowly becoming a spinster! Heaven help me if that happens right? Not really...

Letters to Santa

2008-12-02T01:24:00.000-08:00

I was watching the evolution of St. Nick as an urban legend in a documentary in Discovery, weeks ago, and alas a great idea for my new post came to me. Let me know, if you will like this...

A Letter to Santa from Dyanne dated Dec 1986.
(you have to understand, I am already quite articulate and I can write well even then when I was just six years old.)

Dear Santa,

I heard from Verna today that you are not real. I cannot believe it. I refuse to believe that you are not real. Who else could have left me all those gifts? Shawn told me that Verna is right that my parents are actually Santa Clause. Robert teased me because I don't know this. But I know better, I saw a shooting star last year, I know it was your sleigh flying in the sky.

In case you are real, and I know you are. Can I please have a Barbie and a tea set this year? Before I grow old and you will not be real anymore, I want you to give those please. I want lots and lots of chocolates and apples too. Santa, I have been a good girl. I have been doing all my chores since November. I got real good grades. I might even run for as the 2nd Grade representative in the student council and actually win this year. And I want WORLD PEACE... Please don't give Johanne anything this year coz she is just a baby and she doesn't need anything except milk. Give me her presents instead. THANK YOU!

Love,
Dyanne Kristine Sideno
no 13 (one with red gate)
2nd Road, SPDA, Semba, Maguindanao

~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~

I think I got my wish that year at least the chocolates and the apples. My parents did not have much back then so I did not get my first Barbie Doll until I was 10 years old. I still blame Verna Monsanto, Robert Dayaget and Shawn Martinez, my classmates in first grade for destroying the sacred icon of my childhood innocence. Just Kidding...HAHAHA! It's a wonder I can still remember their names.

I did win the post in the student council but I did not assume office because I had to transfer to another school. That's another story. A lot has changed then even the house I lived in. I think the whole world peace wish was an overkill on my part. What can I say, I was just a six years old then. I can still say I have been a good girl all these years...NOT!

I never run for student council again until I was in high school. Yet, as embarrassing as its sounds, I still like to believe that Santa is real. At least the essence of generosity in St. Nick, I still try to imbibe during the holiday season. I have to confess I still perpetuate this fairytale or illusion of Santa Clause to my younger siblings, cousins , nieces and nephews. Only instead of a jolly fat old guy, they have me a not so jolly, bitchy fat girl as their Santa. I can only imagine what they will think when they grow up. I'll explain myself to them when the time comes. My favorite expression has always been "I'll cross the bridge when I get there."

I wonder what if the aging, loveless virgin Dyanne writes a letter to Santa this year? I think the letter will be written this way.

MEMO

TO: Santa Claus/Kris Kringle

FROM: Dyanne Sideno

Subject: CHRISTMAS WISHES

DATE: DEC 2, 2008
_________________________________________

This has reference to the upcoming scheduled weddings of my friends, my desperate attempt to lose weight and my empty bank account.

Please be informed that I am broke and I have to rely on my mother to buy three different dresses for these weddings. I have no money to buy myself good stuff this Christmas. I have also been starving myself for the past two weeks. And I will have to hide from all the godchildren I have willingly and unwillingly taken on.

In this regard, may I request that you give ME the winning number in the Mega Lotto. If this request is not feasible, can you please provide me a miracle preferable financial in nature. Also, please give me a stomach flu that will last till January next year so I can fit into better clothes in time for my friends' weddings.

For your appropriate action.

(signed)
Dyanne Sideno

A Real Bad Day

2008-11-21T02:23:00.000-08:00

Today marks one of the worst days of my life. Believe me I have plenty of bad days. I am tired. I haven't slept for 36 hours. It seems to me that all the karmic energy of the universe turned against me. Nothing has gone right and everything went wrong. I feel like a cardiac arrest is about to hit me. I can't breathe and I can't hear. I have gone deaf on my right ear. My right arm is painful. Oh well, if i pass out and die today I can thank all the people who made this day a glimpse of what my days in hell will be like...

I want to bitch about everything. I want to bitch about lack of initiative and leeches of this world. I am bitching about how fucking hard it is to be POOR! I hate being poor. I hate the powerlessness and hopelessness of poverty. Screw you! If you think I am whining then don't read this damn entry.

I want to know how putrid government service is. Oh yes, I plan to be a hermit after this horrible year. I just want to shut down like a defective appliance. I hate dumb ass bitches who can't speak in proper pronouns. GOD! children of GOD! all of you...

THAT my dear reader is DYANNE gone bananas... THANK you for your indulgence I'm going to pass out now.

Drunk on Halloween

2008-10-31T03:09:00.000-07:00

Just finished doing some body shots... damn...

I want to wish you readers great Halloween...

Cheers to the dead... my loved ones...

It's a miracle I can still write...

Fuck I's really drunk....

Happyt Halloween

Playing Cupid

2008-10-29T03:35:00.000-07:00

Sigh! I have seen serendipity in action for the last two weeks. I can even exaggerate and make myself believe that cupid delegated me some of his tasks. Cupid, you lazy b@stard you!

Believe it or not, two of my dearest friends now have burgeoning love lives because of me. Well I did not intentionally cause them but my role can be alluded to that of a "Prime Mover". So far, I am ecstatic with the development of these love lives. I also earned undeserved gratitude at the same time. I believe my CUPID MOJO is off the roof. So, if you plan to get hooked this week contact me. I might just be able to help you.

I can only hope that Cupid will reward me for my contributions to his enterprise. Who knew, standing up a friend because of stomach flu or getting soaked in the rain and mistaking a car for a taxi will bring about great stories of romance- stuff of legends if I may say so myself.

I end this happy post with a note of happiness and (by GOD!) a note perhaps hopefulness- that I too may... NAH!

Being and single is too good to pass up. I can never blog about being in a relationship with such fervor as I would being alone and bitter... Happiness deter creativity. So, I guess I would tell Cupid to stuff it. Leave me the H3LL alone boy!!!

So, I congratulate my great friends for finding the men they truly deserve. I just want to appeal to them that please do not pray for me or wish your happiness on me... I love my angst too much...

By the way, that song "I Kissed a Girl" by Katy Perry is so cool.

Please hold your gasps or your shrieks. I don't intend to play for that team... I like looking at men's ass too much...

The Tale of the Foolish DOG

2008-10-09T04:41:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, there was a dog who guards a barn. His master was a kind farmer who dotes on the dog and all his other farm animals.

One day, a friendly dog meets a weasel.

He befriended the weasel ignorant of the weasel's true nature.

After sometime, the dog learned that the weasel he befriended and trusted was using him to steal eggs in the barn. So, he drove the weasel away but not before his master learned of his unwitting participation in the crimes of the weasel. Still, his master gave him another chance.

The dog believed he has finally learned his lessons. He now can spot weasels when he sees one. Yet, the dog does not know of the other dangerous animals. He only knows that the weasel is dangerous and the barn animals he guards are gentle. He remained friendly.

One day, he meets a snake.

He befriends the snake not knowing the true nature of snakes. He is only aware that weasels are dangerous. He has only known the sneakiness and betrayal of the weasel. But it has come to pass that the snake sneaked in the barn to prey on the chickens.

The dog fought with the snake. He was bitten by the snake but he was able to save the chicken. He almost died from the venom of the very snake he befriended. Fortunately, his master brought him to the veterinarian and he was saved from the poison from the snake's bite.

So the DOG, learned of the danger now of two kinds of animals he encountered. He became more wary of animals different from him. He now trusts only his kind and befriends those animals in the farm.

Then, one day while patrolling the perimeter fence of the farm, he met a wolf.

The foolish dog yet again befriends the wolf thinking that the wolf was also a dog just like him. So the friendship was formed between the two animals. The dog was happy that he has finally found a friend.

One night, while his master was away, the wolf brought his pack into the farm. The foolish dog was confused because the pack began attacking the farm animals. He fought with the wolf. But he was overpowered when all the other wolves attacked him at the same time. Fatally wounded, he watched helplessly as the pack of wolves brutally eviscerated and ate the farm animals in his ward.

His master arrived to find the foolish dog slowly dying. As he drew his last breath, the foolish dog saw the disappointment and misery in the eyes of his master.

He then closed his eyes,remorseful of his own folly. His gullibility has caused him his life and his master's livestock. He died knowing he has lost everything and he has not live up to his purpose.

This tale, my dear readers while fictional is reflective of my own naivety towards people. The psychologist who administered the neuro-psych exams I took for a job, was wrong to tell me that I should learn to trust people more.

I have learned from the Foolish DOG that TRUST while essential if given carelessly will cost you even your life.

Oftentimes we need not stray from those friends we already have. Great friendships and relationships are those that are nurtured over time, over hardships, laughter and tears.

I dedicate this blog to Real Friends who have proven themselves many times. I cherish your tolerance and understanding for my craziness, ingratitude, neglect, absence and my Bitchiness!

Doormats and pushovers like me deserve the fate we are dealt. After all, passiveness has no place in this cut-throat dog-eat-dog world. Weasels, snakes and many more dangerous animals lurk around us even inside us...

beauty vs. happiness

2008-09-21T13:42:00.000-07:00

Damn but I like this quote:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming : 'Woo Hoo, what a ride!'

I thank my friend Ron for sending the email containing these words of wisdom...

A tribute to great women

2008-07-05T01:15:00.000-07:00

My long absence may have not been missed after all. I profusely apologize my not-so-avid readers. I have not been able to muster the brain power to write anything worthwhile. The past two months have been emotionally exhausting. I have lost my cherished sense of humor for sometime now. My grandmother and a childhood friend passed away last May. Two weeks ago, a friend from college also passed away.

So just so you know, I turned 18 this year. By the way, I took it upon myself to automatically deduct the 10 years just so I can make myself believe I am still young. I was thinking out loud during my weekend birthday vacation (thanks for the accommodations Cay). You see, this year I will be attending four weddings. I was tactless enough to say I just need a funeral so I can rip off the title of the Hugh Grant's movie for a blog post- FOUR WEDDINGS and A FUNERAL. I want to rip my tongue for ever saying these things!

I did get to attend the funeral too- two funerals actually. I deeply regret I was not able to attend the recent funeral thus it seems surreal to me that this person is really gone. I grieve privately. Right now, I will celebrate the lives of the those who have moved on to the a better place in my own way. Everyone has their own way of dealing with death, I guess.

I dedicate this post to the great women who have touched my life. I bid goodbye and I give my salute, to my friend Ansky del Castillo. How can I forget the bubbly girl who brought endless laughter and smiles to her friends. I will never forget your unique kindness, and friendship to this once clueless "probinsyana". You taught me some very important life lessons- frankness and the dance move of the MEN IN BLACK. I will always cherish our love for cigarettes and shared dislike for that gay French class teacher who despised his female students and flirted with his male students. I am lighting one right now for you, pare. Here's a puff to Berchman's corridors which are no longer smoking areas.

I bid my farewell to Sheryl Morales, my equal in classroom unruliness since the 3rd Grade. She was the only one who rivaled my record in the number of corporal punishments received in school. She was a great athlete, the fastest female sprinter in our class, a champion javelin thrower and mean volleyball player. Most importantly, Sheryl was fiercely loyal to her barkada. The incident with the "Perla bar" was a classic clique fight that showcased Sheryl's combative attitude to those she felt have wronged her friends. Those teenyboppers in "Mean Girls" did not have sh!t compared to the Trailblazers' cat fights. Be well She, give those uptight angels some good smack downs.

Finally, I want to take this chance...(this sounds like an acceptance speech doesn't it?) Lola Marta, thank you! I have written so many drafts to write a post about you. I will have a piece that will do you justice one day. I want to thank you for lessons of compassion and humility. I still have a hard time learning humility though, La. You have shown me what love and sacrifice means. Too bad, you were Protestant, you would have been a good candidate for canonization.

Death and marriage are dark clouds hovering over my head. I am ambivalent to both. Alas, I can console myself that I will get to experience at least one of them. Still, I see life differently now. I have now lost my feeling of invincibility. I realized that "Life is as long as eternity and it is as brief as a blink of an eye at the same time".

I end this post with great grief and loss for the passing away of these formidable women-great women. As I live, breathe and pray for them- I want to celebrate the lives they lived, their loves, their sadness, their meanings, their happiness, their dreams and their joys.

"Every encounter or meeting is the beginning of parting..."

CAUTION! SLIPPERY ROAD AHEAD

2008-04-26T21:40:00.000-07:00

Dear not-so-avid readers, for the first time, I will be posting a collaborative blog. This topic needs as many perspectives and opinions as possible. For the past weeks now, I had to listen to sordid stories about men, correct that MEN who are LOSERS! I myself have had my share of dismal experiences on HOW many losers there are nowadays. I guess the existence of LOSERS serves to enhance the existence of the few and rare GEMS. We can allude this to the explanations of Theists on the existence of EVIL on the question of the existence of GOD.

I am writing this post not as an attack not even a retaliation against MEN in general. After all, my best of friends and my circle are mostly GUYS. I again would like to stress, this is a collaborative blog born out of long hours of hen talks and heart pouring frustrations of the daughters of Eve.

Listed below are FEW sure signs to determine if the guy you are with or just your prospect is a LOSER according to me and my other girlfriends. PLEASE BE WARY OF THESE characteristics and behaviors. MEN please do not take offense. It may just help you out.

DISCLAIMER: Not all the contents and opinions of this post is that of the author of this blog. Most of the qualities resulted from quasi- focus group discussions and are randomly listed. Those who do not possess sense of humor or has weak constitution and feeble ego are discouraged to read this post.

1) MAMAS' BOYS- This does not mean that guys should cut all their ties with their mothers- at least cut figurative umbilical cord. After all, it is believed that one can determine how a man would treat a girlfriend/wife by the way he treats his mother. BUT FOR CHRIST SAKE, a grown-man should be able to stand up to his own mother, no matter how domineering she is. A grown man should have an independent decision or thought process beyond his mother. You are in a for a lifelong battle ladies should you chose to marry a Mama's Boy. One thing I learned from my father. When a man marries, his wife and his children becomes his FIRST PRIORITY. NO EXCEPTION.

2) HEIGHT DEFICIENCY- Rule of thumb: If he is shorter than you, you are in trouble. I have nothing against short guys but I have to go with the consensus . They said that from experience and observations, many short guys suffer from the NAPOLEON COMPLEX. I guess as a general rule, GUYS do tend to overcompensate for that which they lack. According to one particular spunky girlfriend, "It is so irritating when short guys try to deepen their voice and buff up their muscles. The overcompensation becomes more apparent!"

3) ARROGANT/BRAGGARTS- Confidence comes from a place of substance. Arrogance comes from a place of real INSECURITY. I would like to stress the IMPORTANCE of being able to determine which is which. I also want to highlight the UGLY MEN who surround themselves with pretty girls or pursue string of girls just so they can feel good about themselves. If men think they are UGLY they probably are. Again I want to stress OVERCOMPENSATION here. I myself prefer not so good-looking guys probably because Andrew E's "Humanap ka ng Panget" became a hit around the time I hit puberty. I have long formed the belief that good-looking guys are open games or targets. I really believed I would find better men in not so good-looking guys. Now, I can honestly say, it makes no difference. An ugly guy can be as much of a jerk as a handsome one.

4) UNDERACHIEVERS - an underachiever is an underachiever is an underachiever. This can be attributed to the lack of TENACITY AND DETERMINATION. Financial security while essential, it is more important to know that your prospective Man is tenacious and unrelenting in their drive to succeed. I am never a fan of women who look for or pick men with cars and whatnot. I am ambivalent about this characteristic but I have to go with the consensus here guys.

5) BLOND HIGHLIGHTS, BRIGHT COLORED HAIR DYES and ghastly piercings- need I say more? Unless your guy is a Rock Star, a member of a boy band, a Japanese pop star, maybe you can make exceptions.

6) WHINERS- Whining is a GOD-given privilege awarded only to WOMEN! SO is nagging and verbal abuse. You have not been bestowed the verbal power because you already have the physical power. So flex those arm muscles in the gym and let women flex their mouth muscles elsewhere and everywhere.

7) BADUY -I am referring to fans of Kris Aquino and noontime show dancers. This one I am not completely in accord with after all I am a huge fan of ate Kris. But I have been out-voted. Seriously, being Classy does not have to mean having wealth and good education. It is just a matter of good manners and right conduct. Ethics and etiquette are not exclusive to high society or influential or educated people . By the way, a friend insisted that I put this here. The jealousy games that men play are cheap. Women invented these games to exercise their power long before they could vote and have the same opportunities as men.

8) FUBUs and man-whores- I am so over the FILIPINO Machismo. Stringing along women IS NOT macho. I am not saying that the men are to be blamed solely on the matter. As the great Aretha Franklin spelled it out R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Ladies must respect themselves not to let man-whores take advantage of them. By the way, this post is redefining and distinguishing man-whores from male prostitutes. We want to qualify that playboys are THE man-whores.

If it were up to me I would add TORPE guys on the list. Since I was justly corrected before by my guy friends (most of them are torpe actually). I rest my case. They said "Walang torpeng lalake sa tamang babae." So to the ladies who are suffering because of torpe guys, YOU ARE JUST NOT THE RIGHT WOMAN! Ouch!

If you have anything more to add to this list please leave a comment. I and my collaborators plan to add your suggestions to this list. I am sure to write another post about this list if I can get feed backs.

First impressions are often wrong. So it is safe to say that one should trust the second and the succeeding impressions of a guy. As the late actress Lupe Velez has said, " The first time you buy a house you think how pretty it is and sign the check. The second time you look to see if the basement has termites. It's the same with men."

According to FREUD... (part 1)

2008-04-10T20:32:00.000-07:00

I took the Tickle's Ph.D.s Freudian test few days ago. I often take their exams for kicks. Usually I get a four to five sentence paragraph description of my result because I cannot afford to pay for the long narrative results. Lo and behold, this one exam was free. So, I was excited to take it even though I already took Freud in Psych 101 in college. This particular sentence headlined my narrative result:

"Freud would say that your greatest unconscious conflict began when you were

less than a year and a half old."

GREAT! I am struggling against conflicts that happen long before I knew my own name. That's helpful... if only I can remember being a year old I would be the most adaptable and the happiest person there is. I would be singing about raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens, bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens, brown paper packages tied up with strings....(You know these lyrics I know you do!)

Enough about musicals. Anyway, I was reading through the basics of psychosexual development all over again. I discovered long ago that I have oral fixation as demonstrated by my filthy smoking habit and my roller-coaster diet programs. I think Freud can explain it better.

According to FREUD:

"...Of these two types of fixation,you (referring to me the over-weaned DYANNE) display more of the personality traits consistent with having an overindulgent parental figure. People with extreme fixation in the Oral Period are likely to:

Develop serious eating disorders

Eat when they are stressed or lonely

Be orally aggressive (In childhood this aggression may mean literally biting, in adulthood, it can mean being verbally 'biting' by using sarcastic language)"

I was not breast-fed and I was left to wean on the bottle too long. Therefore, my biting sarcasm, my weight problem and my smoking were all caused by my MOTHER. And here I was believing my wit was my innate ability, my gift(!)

Then Freud further said.

"When it comes to other aspects of personality, those who were weaned too late by an overindulgent parent are more likely to be domineering and manipulative."

Damn! Freud is shaking my world here. I thought I was domineering and evil because of my own doing. Now I have to give credit to my parents?

I, therefore resolve that I will breastfeed my future children until they are walking! Grand isn't it? Just what the world needs... more obese and caustic smokers like me.

The Wedding MC

2008-03-25T02:05:00.000-07:00

Welcome back my not-so avid readers. I apologize for my absence I was busy with my new job. I am now a 9 to 5 office girl. or should I say 8 to 6 office girl. Whatever, it does not matter. Hurray! Hurray to free lunch! Hurray to compensation and benefits!

Anyway, I would like to say some things on a subject that I like as much as getting a lobotomy. Weddings!!! I am not against weddings. I do not hate weddings. I love them. The truth is I am pretty ambivalent on the subject. I love the ceremonies, rituals and process... just not my participation in them.

Once upon a time, I was a flower girl for the first and last time. Even as a kid, weddings never really quite agree with me. Imagine eating loads of ripe mangoes and having Coke. Better yet, try eating spoiled gambas. Even with food discounts, you cannot take it in your heart to thank the owner or his friend because you lived through a harrowing night/day of diarrhea and utter dehydration. Wait, I have lost my train of thought there... See? weddings even give me mental diarrhea.

So, things have not changed much. I had three (3) proposed gigs to be a bridesmaid. They have all gone to their honeymoon. And I have yet to be a bridesmaid. What a bummer!

Like I said, I am not the wedding entourage kind. When I was a cute adorable kid, I did not know that many people that would take me in as one of their flower girls. Nowadays, I am just too fat to be bridesmaid but just important enough to be included in my friends' weddings. Thus, I got into being an emcee at receptions. This year is yet again a prolific year for my career as a wedding emcee. I am still uncertain as to why people think it is a good idea to make me a program host in their receptions. I know I am hilarious. I thrive in parties and reunions. I am articulate only in my mind. Then again, I am flattered. I am honored to be an emcee. Talk about making lemonades out of lemons right?

In the end, I do not have to live up to the cliche' "Always the bridesmaid but never the bride". H@ll! I have not been a bridesmaid so no one cannot expect to be a bride real soon. Ne'st pas?